I loaded up my things and went to get Bexley’s stuff. I needed to try harder to distance myself from thoughts of Ezmita. It wasn’t being casual if she was on my mind when I was with other girls. Bexley walked toward the truck in a pair of cutoff blue-jean shorts that barely covered her ass. Although they did cover more than her bikini bottoms. Everyone here had gotten a look at her butt. There had been nothing covering it. She had an excellent butt.
I closed the truck door and leaned back against it and watched her. She knew I was watching, and she added a swing to her hips. Bex was the kind of girl who got casual dating. She was all fun and games. I liked that about her.
When she got to the truck, she stopped in front of me and placed a hand on her bare hip. Her lips slightly puckered. I reached out and grabbed her waist with my left hand to pull her to me. Bexley came willingly and took over. I let her and focused on kissing her. No other thoughts. Her left hand tangled in my hair while her right hand went to my hip and lowered slowly. I knew where she was headed, and I knew what that would lead to. Maybe I needed it. Having sex with Bex would get my thoughts off Ezmita. It wouldn’t be our first time. Bex had climbed into the back of my truck on our first date.
“Get in the truck,” I told her, determined to get my head back on straight.
She gave me a wicked grin and climbed inside. I closed the door behind her, then went and got in the driver’s side. I knew where we were going and it wasn’t far away. Bexley didn’t bother buckling up but slid closer to me, then reached for the zipper on my shorts.
“You’ve been so preoccupied today, I thought I’d done something wrong,” she said, then lowered her head to my lap. I focused on the dirt road until I was safely out of distance from the lake before turning into a clearing where I could park the truck before I fucking wrecked it.
“I’m not preoccupied now,” I said, leaning my seat back and closing my eyes. This was gonna clear my head.
* * *
After I dropped Bexley at her house and gave her one last kiss, I headed to Nash’s. I didn’t go out of my way to drive by Ezmita’s. I felt too fucking dirty to chance seeing her. I was slime. Sure, Bex had started it, but I’d let her finish it. I wasn’t going to be able to call her again. Looking her in the eyes after the way I’d used her today would just remind me how unworthy I was to even look at a girl like Ezmita Ramos.
Nash’s vehicle was in the drive when I pulled in, and the lights were off in the apartment except for the glow of the television. There was a good chance Tallulah was up there with him, and I wasn’t about to walk in on that. I rolled down the windows of my truck and turned off the engine. Sitting out here with my thoughts was fitting. Someone needed to beat me up. I’d do it to myself. I was scum of the earth. I should have my ass kicked.
My truck no longer held the lingering scent of Ezmita. Instead it smelled like sex. My stomach turned, and I wished like hell I wasn’t so fucked up. Was I going to become my father? God, I hoped not. I wouldn’t. It would be impossible because I wasn’t going to get close enough to a female to love her. I doubted my dad had ever loved my mother, but just to be safe, I wasn’t going to love at all. And fuck commitment and marriage. Not for me. I’d seen the worst of it, and I wanted no part of that life.
I stared up at the window above the garage and wondered why I ever thought having a relationship like Nash had with Tallulah was something I wanted. I was an idiot to ever go in that direction.
JULY 10, 2020 Asa Is a Player—Everyone Knows That
CHAPTER 22
EZMITA
I’d stopped checking my phone to see if I’d missed a call or text, even when there had been no sound coming from it by Wednesday night. Accepting that Asa was not going to call me was unavoidable. I’d held out hope until then, thinking he might be busy. I had honestly expected him to call the very next day after our date, but he hadn’t. I’d spent July Fourth eating tacos and watching movies at my house with my siblings. I told myself over and over that this was good quality time with them before I left. It didn’t help my mood.