But like Kyle said, I needed to lay it all out and let Luke know where I stood. It was the only fair thing to do.
I closed my eyes, drew in a deep breath, and let all the words out. “All of my friends are falling in love, getting married, having babies. I’m so over-the-moon happy for them, but at the same time, it’s only made me realize how much I want that.”
I paused and waited to see if he’d react. He squeezed my hand and gave me a soft smile, silently urging me to go on.
“When I saw you with Kathleen, a whirlwind of emotions hit me…and the day you came to my office, I was afraid to tell you the truth.”
“The truth about what?”
“That I wanted something more. Something you couldn’t give me. The life I was living in Boston turned out not to be the life I thought I wanted. Deep down inside, I think I always knew it wasn’t for me. From the time I was fourteen, all I ever wanted to do was leave Boggy Creek, explore what life would be like outside of the town where I grew up. In my head, it was the dream I wanted. My head was wrong, and my heart was so confused after you left. I was angry, hurt, sad. So I ran as fast as I could to the one place where I knew I would be okay. Home.”
His eyes filled with something that looked like a mix of sadness and confusion. “What do you want, Bree? Tell me what you want that you don’t think I can give you.”
I forced myself to smile but couldn’t let the words out, because the last thing I wanted to do was be the cause of this man giving up his entire career.
I want you. I want us to get married and have babies. I want to live a normal, simple life here in Boggy Creek like my parents and friends do. I want to walk down the street and hold your hand in plain sight and not have a photographer rush up and take our picture. I want simplicity.
I want what you can’t give, and I would never in a million years ask you to give up everything for me.
Luke squeezed my hand, pulling me back from my internal monologue. “Bree?” he said, softly.
Pulling my hand out from under his, I turned and looked at the counter. “I want my burger. I’m starving.”
When I looked back across the table, Luke was staring at me. I couldn’t read the expression on his face…but for a moment, I thought I saw anger there.
Why was I so afraid to tell him the truth?
Fear. It was that simple. I was too much of a coward to even try to make it work because I was so worried about getting hurt.
“You’re not going to tell me what you want,” he stated. “Is it because you no longer want it with me?”
A sick feeling hit me right in the stomach. How could he even think I no longer loved him? A part of me thought it would be easier to agree with him. To tell him I no longer loved him. But I couldn’t lie to him. I wouldn’t lie to him.
My voice cracked when I went to speak, and I had to clear it before I could reply. “I honestly don’t think I could ever want that life with anyone other than you. But I realized I couldn’t have it.”
“Why not?”
I let out a disbelieving laugh. “Because it would never work, Luke. I thought it would be okay in the beginning. But then I fell in love with you, and I fell so hard and I wanted things that…”
Luke leaned in toward me. “That what? Goddammit, just tell me, Brighton. Come out and tell me,” he said in a low voice so the few people in the café wouldn’t hear us.
“I don’t want to be married to an actor. I’m sorry, I know you were upfront and honest with me, but I can’t do it.” I felt a sob slip free, and I covered my mouth with my hand and looked away for a moment until I could get my emotions in check.
Drawing in a shaky breath, I focused back on him. “Damn you for making me cry. I swore I wouldn’t.”
His own eyes filled with tears as he whispered, “I don’t want to be the reason you cry. Ever.”
I sobbed again, and I wanted to pick up my glass and throw it at him.
I wiped my tears away and took a glance around the restaurant. We were the only two in here now. Thank freaking God. If anyone saw me crying, it would be all over town by the time we finished our burgers.