And I was almost there.
I sighed, made the choice to take whatever hand he dealt me, and went down to The Castle wall. Every beating I took was another plate in my armor.
I expected to see Marialena nursing a wound over something. Papa yelled at her, Nonna kicked her out of the kitchen, Mama told her she couldn’t have biscotti before dinner or buy another dress.
I stopped short when I saw Rosa.
She was so beautiful she made my heart beat faster and my palms grow sweaty. No other girl ever had that effect on me.
Over the years, her cheeks hollowed, and her body filled out, though she was always slender and fit. Only now, her hips were wider and her breasts fuller.
For a while, I dragged my sorry ass once a month to the confessional at St. Anthony’s, but I didn’t know why. I did wicked shit for Papa, damn near every day. I swore like a sailor. But it ate at my conscience to jerk off in the shower to someone who was supposed to be my sister. I felt like some sick, twisted deviant.
But Rosa wasn’t my sister and never had been.
I walked slowly, so she didn’t hear me, but I didn’t want to startle her. My heart broke to see her like this, balled into a fetal position with her fists in her eye sockets.
So when I was only a few feet away, I cleared my throat.
She sat up straighter, her eyes coming straight to me. She glared at me like I didn’t belong. And hell, maybe I didn’t.
“Why are you here?” she snapped. “Leave me alone.”
She eyed the papers tucked under my arm. I ignored her and sat down beside her. Her barbed comments didn’t touch my armor.
“Dunno, thought it might be fun to intentionally piss Papa off today.”
“Santo,” she said, her eyes softening. “Don’t. Don’t do it. I hate it when he hits you.”
I cut my eyes to her, anger flaring in my chest like the light of a match. “And one day I’ll fucking kill him for hitting you.”
She turned her face away from me, as if she didn’t want to acknowledge she’d been on the receiving end of Narciso Rossi’s rage. It was nothing to be ashamed about, though. He didn’t play favorites.
“You shouldn’t say that,” she whispered. “Don’t say that, Santo.”
“Only a fuckin’ devil hits a woman,” I snapped, but I kept my voice low. I was already in trouble for being late, I didn’t need to add confinement to the dungeon, or worse, on top of my inevitable punishment.
She sighed. For long minutes, we stared at the angry sea, and a rough wind kicked up over the water. She shivered in the cold. Wordlessly, I shrugged out of my hoodie and draped it over her shoulders. It was what I was taught to do by Mama. Still, looking down in surprise, Rosa gave me a rare, heart-melting smile.
“You’re a gentleman now?”
Only for her.
I shrugged. “I was gettin’ hot is all. I gotta get this shit to your Papa. So spit it out. Tell me why you were crying.”
She stuck out her chin and gave me a decided shake of her head. “Ah ah. No way. Nope. I’m here alone for a reason and you won’t take that from me.”
But the way she didn’t meet my eyes said she wanted to tell me. She wanted to reveal everything.
And why not?
Everyone needed a confidant.
Everyone.
“Rosa,” I warned.
“Don’t you Rosa me,” she responded. “You’re younger than I am. I’ve got enough people to boss me around.”
“Well add me to that fuckin’ list,” I snapped.
I’ve been taller and bigger than her with more power and experience since I fucking came here. We both knew age was no excuse.
Furthermore, as a sworn-in member of the Rossi brotherhood, we both knew I was in authority over her and would be until she was married.
“Since when has that meant a damn thing?”
She shook her head and didn’t respond.
Her elbow touched mine. An electric buzz skated across my skin as if she bewitched me with her magic. I covered up the hitch in my breath and swallowed, already hard just at the scent of her perfume.
“Since never,” she finally said. Her lip wobbled, and I knew on instinct that if I just gave her time, she’d tell me why she came. Didn’t mean I could make it better, but I’d try.
“You know I’ll be married someday, Santo, don’t you?”
I knew it. She knew it. We all fucking knew it.
I nodded.
“Likely to someone I’ve never met. Likely to someone who’ll never love me.” Her voice shook. “And sometimes, it makes me want to just… to just throw myself off this cliff and end it all.”
I grabbed her arm and held her.
“Don’t you fucking say that, Rosa. Jesus. If you ever say anything like that again—”