The usual office chatter surrounds me as I enter the McKenzie Tech building. And although I highly doubt that everybody knows about what happened yesterday, I can’t help but imagine how people would react if they discovered my weakness—or how badly I fucked up.
What if this is really not idle chitchat? What if some people are already whispering about me and my inability to fly? While others are making bets about how long before I pack my things and leave? Months ago, these people were polite acquaintances. Now, they are feeding the embarrassment that is already gnawing at my insides.
Somebody greets me, “good morning.” I look at her with confusion, then I tilt my head to the side. I have to remember that I’m the unfazed head of accounting. I’m the ice queen of McKenzie Tech. Nothing can get to me. So, I smile at her and head to my office. I want to slam the door in embarrassment at what just happened and frustration with yesterday’s events. But I keep my calm and breathe.
Right now, no one in the office knows about my panic attack and hospital trip, except maybe Kane and Asher. I plan to keep it that way.
I place my things on my desk then let the gears in my mind work.
“The best way to settle this is to face it head-on. And now,” I murmur to myself. So, I leave my office again and head towards the bosses’ area.
I begin thinking about how to best present my case to the CEOs as I try to walk not too eagerly to Kane and Asher’s offices. I don’t want to let this one incident be why I lost my job. It is not even about the money because I don’t need it. It is more because I actually enjoy my work here. Plus, I don’t want to go back to my father’s iron grip.
I draw another deep breath when I arrive at their door. The CEOs haven’t called me in yet, but I highly doubt they are not aware of my presence in the building.
They trusted me, and I failed them by missing my meeting. Yet, I don’t plan on dwelling on my mistake. Instead, I want to know what I can do to earn their trust back.
Do I beg, I ask myself. Is it where I stand now?
I look at their secretaries, who throw quick glances at me, and walk to them. I may as well calm my nerves with an idle chat before braving the storm inside the office. Maybe I can get an idea of how bad I failed.
“Hi. Are the bosses inside?”
Kane’s secretary, Joanne, nods.
“Do you think they’re busy? Or willing to see me?”
Mary, Ashton’s secretary, snickers. I catch Joanne elbowing her before turning to me.
“They’re not busy. But they’re not in a great mood. Something turned up.”
I cringe. Joanne has always been friendly to me, and I know that it is what she is trying to do now. But do I detect a tone of detest in her voice? Maybe later is a better time to meet with the CEOs.
Then this logical voice in my mind reminds me, it doesn’t really matter. You need to only focus on your bosses. What their secretaries say to you doesn’t really have to affect you.
I mutter thanks, then turn to the door again.
“Sloane, it’s nice that you’re here early. I think they can really use your help,” Joanne suddenly adds. I look at her again, and there is a small smile on her lips. I try to smile back, but the anxiety starts to rise inside me again.
I knock softly and enter. My mind is already painting me a picture of a warzone and loud shouts directed at me. But inside, Kane and Ashton look frustrated, not angry. Is that better? Or worse?
“Ashton, Kane, I am really sorry. I don’t know what came over me yesterday.” I stop when they turn to me with annoyance. “I mean, I know — it was a panic attack. And it will never happen again. If you can give me one more chance, you will never regret it. You know I don’t make mistakes twice and—”
Kane raises a hand up. The anger in his face turns to a hint of sadness.
Is this what it feels like to be afraid of losing a job?
I admit that I took this job for granted at first because it was a favor from my uncle. I remember him telling me to do the bare minimum because I would survive here just with that. But I have grown to enjoy the fast-paced office life. For the first time in years, I can feel the start of tears in my eyes.
“Kane… Ashton, I am really sorry. I—”
Kane sighs. “Sloane, just stop.”
I have seen angry Kane. He shouts at everyone and doesn’t care who he hurts with his words because he only ever gets mad when someone has totally fucked up. But this Kane, I don’t know how to read him. I begin to feel like there is no turning back now.