‘No, it’s not a joke. But I was kinda hoping you might return the sentiment. A bit.’
I start laughing with joy. ‘I love you, Shane Eden. I love you so much, I thought I’d die when we parted. I used to dream about you telling me you loved me, but I never believed that it would happen,’ I reply.
‘You know what you make me feel like? You make me want to dance in the kitchen with you. And go out with you to used bookshops and rescue the oldest, saddest books in them. Or go to the market and buy up all the lobsters in it and set them free in the ocean.’
My eyes start filling with tears of happiness.
‘Do you know that poem by Pablo Neruda, If You Forget Me?’
I shake my head.
‘It reads, if little by little you stop loving me, I shall stop loving you little by little.’ He traces my cheekbone with his finger. ‘Not for me. Nothing you do or say can ever make me forget you and nothing can extinguish my love for you. My love is a guest of eternity. I’m never ever letting go.’
Dizzy with happiness, I get on one elbow and, resting my head on my palm, I circle his nipple with a finger. ‘So when did you realize that you loved me then?’
‘I always felt really possessive of you. From the first moment I saw that slime ball touch your thigh in my club, I felt something, a burning anger, deep inside as if he was stepping into my territory. I think it made me a bit schizophrenic. Sometimes I worried about hurting you and sometimes I was rougher than I should have been. And when I dropped you off after the holiday I was like a bear with a sore head. I drove straight to my mum’s house and I was in such a fowl mood my mother actually chased me out of her house.’
I giggle.
‘You can laugh, but you don’t know how I burned with jealousy. Fuck, even thinking about it now makes me feel uneasy. I didn’t sleep that night. Short of going up to him and bashing his head in I did everything in my power to make sure he would be kept up so late he wouldn’t get it into his place to take and early flight and turn up at your place that night. But I couldn’t sleep. I realized that I didn’t feel good when you were out of my sight. I wanted to protect you. In my head you were already mine, you just didn’t know it yet.’
‘Really?’
‘Yeah,’ he says with his trademark mischievous grin.
‘But when did you realize you loved me?’ I probe.
‘I think it was when I saw you surrounded by those idiots outside the club. Oh, my God. I have never felt such a mad rage in my entire life. I knew I could have killed them. And then when I looked into your face. I was so frightened that somehow I was too late, they had hurt you. You couldn’t speak. You couldn’t move. Jesus, I’ve got goose bumps now just thinking
about it.’
He touches my face. ‘You just looked so broken and I didn’t know what to do. That was when I knew I loved you, and I would have done anything for you. Anything to wipe that look from your face.’
I frown thinking of that night. ‘I don’t know what happened to me that day. I just froze. I couldn’t move a single muscle.’
‘Fuck don’t tell me that, Snow. I won’t be able to let you go anywhere without me. It terrifies me to think that you are that defenseless.’
‘I’m not defenseless. I think I was already in a state because of the shock Nikki gave me, and then them … Anyway, it doesn’t matter. Nothing happened.’
‘Yeah, and nothing fucking will. I’m getting you a bodyguard.’
I jump up in horror. ‘What? No way. I’ll feel silly.’
‘Hmmm …’ he says absently, and I can hear all the wheels in his head turning away.
‘I’m serious, Shane. I’m not having a man following me around as if I’m some celebrity. It’s just ridiculous.’
‘Then you won’t fucking go anywhere without me then,’ he says flatly.
‘Oh, darling. I’m not going to let them ruin my life any more. I’m not afraid. Not anymore. Every day, ever since you came into my life, I have become stronger and stronger. My greatest regret is that I never went to the police and at least attempted to punish them. It’s not revenge although that would be sweet. It’s just that I know all of them will do it again to other young girls like me. They enjoyed it too much not to. My memories are all jumbled. Who knows, my evidence could have saved someone from what I suffered?’
Forty-one
SNOW
The day of our wedding dawns bright and cold. It is such a mad rush, the process of getting ready, but finally I am. Nobody allows me to see the mirror until my ensemble is complete, down to my satin covered shoes and my bridal bouquet.
‘Oh, Snow,’ Layla says in an awed voice. ‘You look like a fairy tale princess.’