ELEVEN
Jake
I park my car and sit inside it for a while. My pulse is too erratic. I feel too jumbled and unsettled. I need to calm myself. I get out of the car, lock it and cross the road. It’s an old square building in a shitty area. She shouldn’t be living here. I make a mental note to move her into better digs in the next couple of weeks. I go up to the door and ring her bell. She answers almost immediately.
‘Yeah?’
‘It’s me.’
There is a pause and then the buzzer sounds. I push the door open and enter. The walls are white, the floor is smooth concrete. It’s basic but clean enough. Her flat is on the first floor. I take the steps two at a time. She opens the door before I can ring the bell. Her face is scrubbed clean of make-up and her mouth looks swollen and red. She is wearing an old flannel dressing gown. There is a faint bruise on her throat. I feel a stab of unease. I did that.
‘Melanie is asleep,’ she explains in a hushed voice.
I reach out to touch the bluish mark on her throat and she flinches away.
‘Come in,’ she says, and starts walking toward the sitting room to cover her involuntary movement away from me.
I follow her silently. The room has two sofas, a glass-topped coffee table. A biscuit tin is on it. She sits at the edge of a sofa. I don’t sit. I am too wired. I stand over her.
‘Are you
all right?’
She nods.
‘Why didn’t you answer my calls?’
She doesn’t look at me. Just shrugs.
I get down on my haunches and look directly into her eyes. ‘What’s the matter?’
I see her eyes go to my lip. It is still red and swollen.
‘I don’t think we should see each other anymore,’ she whispers hoarsely.
Every cell in my body rejects that statement, but my face remains calm, my voice cool. ‘Why not?’
‘Because I behave like an animal when I am with you.’
I take her hands in mine. She tries to pull away, but I don’t allow her to. ‘We will behave like animals until we no longer need to,’ I tell her calmly. It is also my most persuasive voice.
She stares at me with those strangely beautiful eyes of hers. And God! I just want to rip her dowdy clothes off and fuck her right there on that cheap couch. That’s the real truth. I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to reassure her that it’s all going to be OK. I just want to fuck her senseless. Because when she is around I lose all control. I become a beast.
‘Love shouldn’t be like this. It should be beautiful.’
I don’t let myself react. I don’t let her see that she has unconsciously called what we have love. But it is a heady head rush.
‘Let’s take it step by step then. Let’s get to know each other. Let’s go out to dinner tonight,’ I murmur.
‘I can’t tonight. I’m working.’ Her voice is dull and matter-of-fact.
I feel the hot ball of jealousy slam into my gut. I try to control myself, but I can’t. I stand up and stride away from her. My hands clench. ‘You’re not going to work tonight.’
‘I have to. Brianna has me down for today and tomorrow. We can go out the day after.’
She has absolutely no idea. ‘You’re not working in Eden again, Lily.’
Her head snaps up. She rises to her feet. ‘What? I need that job.’