Chapter Seven
RAVEN
Taking off my shoes,I wiggle my toes with relief, before tiptoeing into Bertha’s apartment. It is dark but I know my way through it. I quickly cross it and push open the door to the little room where Janna sleeps. Making no noise, I enter it. The room is bathed in the soft light from the small night lamp Bertha leaves plugged into the outlet at the foot of thebed.
Janna is snuggled up under a mountain of stuffed toys. One of her teddy bear’s hands is covering her face. I push it away gently and look down on her. Sometimes it’s painful to see how much she looks like Octavia. But, at times like this, it’s good to know that a little bit of my sister is still alive in this world. As long as I can look at Janna’s sweet round face, I’ll see Octavia.
If things had gone differently tonight, I might not have come home at all. My hands tremble at the thought of how close I came to never seeing Janna again. How utterly reckless and foolish I was. I gather her into my arms and bury my nose in the warm crook of herneck.
As her clean, innocent scent fills my nostrils I feel my eyes well up with tears. I blink them away. Lifting her up, I carry her out of Bertha’s apartment. She doesn’t wake up when I put her back into her own bed and tuck her in. I kiss her forehead gently.
“I love you, baby,” I whisper. “I really do and I promise I’ll never take another stupid risk like that again.”
“Mummy,” she mumbles sleepily.
“Yes, darling,” I say, but she makes an incoherent sound and goes right back to sleep. I wanted Janna to call me Aunty Raven, but the first time I took her to playschool she started calling me Mummy. It made me feel guilty to hear her calling me that, as if Octavia had never existed, never carried her in her tummy for nine months and loved her daughter with every cell in her being. It bothered me that if Octavia was watching from wherever she was she would have been sad to see that the daughter she loved so much had forgotten her. I sat Janna down and gently explained to her that I was not her mummy, Octaviawas.
She looked down at the floor and mumbled, “I know that, but can’t we just pretend?”
I knew then that she just wanted to be like all the rest of the children. She had not forgotten Octavia atall.
“Of course we can,” I said and hugged her tightly.
Ever since then she has called me mummy. I don’t know how much she remembers her mother, especially those last terrible months, but she seems happy with me. On her birthdays, we open the cards that Octavia left forher.
“How many more?” she will askme.
Octavia left her forty cards in total so every year, I’ll minus another year and tell her what is left. Then she will climb into my lap and suck her thumb as if she is still a baby. I don’t tell her off for doing that. I just hold her and stroke her hair. That is my job. To hold her and love her the way Octavia would have if she was alive.
Silently, I cross the hall and continue down to my room. I set Cindy’s necklace carefully on my night table. I’ll have to take it to a jeweler to get the clasp fixed before I return it to her. Thankfully it looks like an easy fix. No lasting damage has beendone.
I slip out of my clothes into an old, large T-shirt. Then I go to the bathroom, stand in front of the mirror and look at myself. The first thing I see are the two thin red marks on either side of my neck where the necklace burned my skin when the man ripped it off my throat. Then my gaze goes to my mouth.
My lips move. A sound comes out. “Konstantin.”
An image of me kneeling in front of him sucking him off comes into my mind. His large hands are in my hair. The image is clear and so incredibly erotic, I feel a throbbing start between my legs. I shake my head to clear the picture. I don’t understand why I am behaving in this way. I have never wanted a perfect stranger in this way before.
I open the mirrored cabinet, take out my make-up remover and cleanse my face. There. I feel much better now. More like myself. Normal. As I turn away from the mirror though I get a whiff of his scent. How strange. It’s like I rolled around in his cologne. He barely touched me. I close my eyes and I can feel his fingers on my arm, and the heat in his eyes, as though his gaze branded me somehow.
My cellphone chirps once from my purse. I go back into my room and tug it out to look at the screen. A text from Cindy. I sent her one from the taxi to tell her I was in a cab on my wayhome.
Did you make it homeokay?
Yes, I’m home,I type into my phone and almost instantly my phone rings.
“Why did you leave without telling me?” she asks impatiently. She must be in the Ladies, because there is no music and I can hear the sounds of women talking in the background.
“You told me Star was not coming,” I accuse.
“I didn’t know she was,” she defends. “Anyway, you left because of that? I don’t know why you’re so upset with her, she was actually asking foryou.”
“Shewas?”
“Yes, she was. In fact, she said she only came because she wanted to see you again.”
My knees suddenly feel weak and I lean against the dresser. “Why does she want to seeme?”
“I don’t know, but she wanted your number.”
“Did you giveit?”
“No. I thought I’d ask you first. ShallI?”
I take a deep breath. “No. Don’t giveit.”
“Why, Raven? Whatever it is that happened between the two of you it is all in the past now. We were just kids then. She obviously wants to make up. Shouldn’t you at least give her another chance? We used to be such good friends.”
“I don’t want to talk about it now, Cin. I’m tired and I think I’m still in shock.”
“In shock? Why?”
“I almost got robbed tonight.”
“What?” she screams in myear.
I walk to my bed and curl up on it before telling her about the attack, how the three men came out of nowhere, pulled me into the alley, and broke the clasp on her necklace when they tugged it free. She listens in stunned silence, gasping every now andthen.
I swallow hard, remembering the look in the bald man’s eyes. “I have a feeling they didn’t just want the necklace.”
“Jesus, Raven.”
“Then this huge blond guy comes out of nowhere. I didn’t even hear him. Suddenly he appeared at the back of the men and before I knew it all three men weredown.”
“Was he JamesBond?”
“He might as well have been. God, you should have seen him in action, Cin. It was like a martial arts movie or something. I mean, he was moving so fast, I thought I was dreaming. Afterward, he only had to straighten the jacket of his tuxedo and run a hand over his hair to smooth it back. He actually looked like he had only happened upon that unfortunate scene, and not been the one who causedit.”
I use Cindy’s uncharacteristic silence as an opportunity to slide under the covers, taking the scent of Konstantin with me. What if I’d let him drive me home? Would he be right here with me now, burning me alive with those hoteyes?
“Was he cute?” she asks. This is typical Cindy.
“Actually, he was hot ashell.”
“Nooooo.”
I laugh at her sense of drama.
“Details please!”
I give a basic rundown and keep my voice dry as if he had not affected me at all. “Tall, handsome, blond, clearly works out, exudes sex appeal at such a high level he is capable of disrupting the thought processes of any female in the vicinity.” It sure disruptedmine.
“Please tell me you got his number,” shesays.
“I didn’t,” I admit, and I can’t help feeling a sense of loss. Never in my life have I met such a fine man. I ruined it by being rude to him. I’ll probably never see him again.
“That’s a shame,” Cindy says. “Never mind, the important thing is you’resafe.”
“Yeah, I’msafe.”
“Right, I’ll see you in the morningthen.”
“Havefun.”
I bid her goodnight. The tension in my neck and shoulders has eased somewhat. Cindy has had this effect on me ever since grade school. I turn out the light. I should go to sleep. Janna’s in the habit of rising well before the sun does. If I don’t get some shuteye I’ll be dragging serious ass tomorrow. Especially as I have an afternoon shift at the casino.
The door is locked. Janna’s asleep in the next room. We’resafe.
I close my eyes and picture Konstantin in the alley, standing over me, his hot eyes blazing. I have to straddle my pillow to try and stop the throbbing between my legs. I toss and turn for a long time and when I do finally fall asleep I have vivid dreams. In one I am lying naked and spread open on the floor of a dark cave. Konstantin comes in and I start sucking his cock and swallowing his cum. I wake up in the early morning hours with my panties so completely soaked I have to changethem.