Chapter Sixteen
RAVEN
Janna appearsin the kitchen wearing a green T-shirt with the words CUTIE written in yellow, pink jeans, blue headband, and red shoes. Hooked under her elbow is her sparkly Barbie handbag. I happen to know that inside it she keeps a piece of purple string, a seashell she found on Brighton beach, an orange eraser, a ring with three random keys, and a mini plastic comb that came with her dollset.
“Why, Janna, you look beautiful,” I say with a smile.
“I know,” she says confidently and parks herself on a chair at the breakfast bar in our kitchen. She looks at me with considering eyes. “Why don’t you wear what you wore to the park the other day, Mummy?”
“I can’t wear the same thing all thetime.”
“But I like it when you looknice.”
“Well, we’re just going to see an old friend today. Nobody will be dressedup.”
“Iam.”
I hide my smile. “The adults won’t be. Now go get Aunty Cindy, please.”
“No need. Here I am,” Cindy says, coming out of her bedroom.
Even though she has only slept for three hours, she looks as fresh as a daisy.
“My goodness me, you look lovely, Janna,” shesays.
“Thank you,” Janna says smugly.
“Right, are we all ready togo?”
“Yay! Chicken satay and fried ice cream,” Janna shouts.
We get into a taxi and arrive at the restaurant in less than half-an-hour. Inside it is lovely and cool. A smiling woman shows us to our seats. Just as we are given our menus, I look up and see Star walking towards us. That same man with the earpiece is right behind her. For a second I am too astonished to do anything. Then I am filled with anger at Cindy’s betrayal. I turn towards her furiously.
“How couldyou?”
She begs me with her eyes. “Come on,” she pleads. “Just give her one chance.”
I stand up. “No.”
She stands too. “Please, Raven. What harm can it do to just hear herout?”
I look at Janna. She’s looking at us with confusion. She has never seen us argue or fight before.
“Please, Raven. I’ll take Janna for a walk. When you’ve finished talking, give me a ring and I’ll bring herback.”
Star arrives at our table. She is glowing with beauty. In a class poll she was voted most likely to marry a Prince or Billionaire. I was most likely to be a glamor model or porn star because I was an early developer and had bigger breasts than all the other girls. Rosa was most likely to be a CEO and Cindy was voted DJ material because she had such a big collection of music. Well, they were right about Star, anyway. She gazes at me. So much time has passed. Her eyes are different. She is not the girl I once knew. I guess we’ve all grownup.
“Come on, Raven,” Cindy pleads.
I shake myhead.
“I know I don’t deserve it, but please, just give me a few minutes of your time. Please,” Star says quietly.
At that moment, Rosa walks through thedoor.
I feel outgunned. “I don’t—”
“Just listen to what she has to say, Raven. Rosa and I will take Janna down the street,” Cindy says, and I realize I don’t want Janna to see any ofthis.
“All right,” I say, turning towards Janna.
She stares at me with wide curiouseyes.
I force a smile. “Go with Aunty Cindy, darling.”
“What about my chicken satay and the fried ice cream?” she asks with a frown.
“You’ll have that, of course. It’s just for a minute so I can talk to this lady here. You don’t mind, doyou?”
“All right.” She slides off the chair obediently and takes the hand Cindy holds out to her. I watch them leave the restaurant before I turn toStar.
“Do you mind if we sit?” sheasks.
I sink back into my chair and she sits oppositeme.
“Thank you for agreeing to listen to me,” shesays.
I nod and shrug. “I didn’t exactly have a choice.”
“No. I’m sorry I ambushed you like this, but I knew there was no otherway.”
“What do you want, Star?”
She takes a deep breath. “I just wanted to say how very, very, very sorry I am that I didn’t trustyou.”
I stare at her incredulously. “That’s it? That’s what you want to talk about?”
“It’s killing me, Raven. I was unfair to you and I want to apologize. You deserve it. I was so blind, Raven. So incredibly blind. I was so obsessed with Nigel I couldn’t see anythingelse.”
I nod. “I see. Now that you have a new man, you’ve decided your precious Nigel is the liar, not me, and you want to say sorry and makeup?”
She looks utterly miserable. “No. It’s not like that. I’ve been on a long journey. I had to learn how stupid I’vebeen.”
“He came on to me. I never did anything to hurt you, ever,” I cry bitterly.
She winces. “I know that. I have no excuse. I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry Iam.”
“Sorry is just a word, Star. You can’t undo the pain I felt when you took his word and didn’t even ask me for my version of what happened. You really thought I would try to take the man you loved?”
“I’m here to ask you for your versionnow.”
I shake my head. “It’s toolate.”
She leans forward. “It’s never too late. I want to hear the truth fromyou.”
“The truth? What for? All the damage isdone.”
“Have you never made a mistake before, Raven?”
Isigh.
“Please, tell me the truth. I want to do what I should have done all those years ago. Listened toyou.”
I make a defeated movement with my hand. “Fine. Remember that night at the barbeque in your house? When Nigel spilled the platter of chicken leg on you and drenched your skirt with sauce?”
She nods. “Yes.”
“Rosa and Cindy had already left, but I was still waiting for my dad. You had gone upstairs to change.” I take a deep breath. I can see the scene in my mind’s eye. Sitting on the patio. The sun had gone down and there was a lovely glow in thesky.
“Nigel had switched on the little fairy lights and they were winking in all the trees at the bottom of the garden. It was so beautiful. I was a bit tipsy so I had curled up in one of the big comfy garden chairs with my glass of wine. I was looking at the lights and thinking how lucky you were, when Nigel said at my side, ‘Morewine?’”
Star swallowshard.
“None of us were wearing shoes and I had not heard him come up. I looked up at him, a smile ready. Then the smile froze on my face. He was staring at my breasts. His eyes came up to my mouth, then slowly up to my eyes. He smiled and said, ‘I love Star, but fuck me, if you’re not one sexy bitch. Your lips were made for giving blowjobs. She doesn’t need to know. It’ll be our secret.’”
Star’s eyes widen.
“Yeah, he said that. I was so shocked I didn’t know what to do or say. I just stared up at him. I just couldn’t say a word. Then he said. ‘You’ve never had a dick in you either, have you?’ I swear, I was not encouraging him. I just couldn’t react. I was frozen. I almost couldn’t believe he was doing that. That was when he reached out and pinched my nipple through my clothes. I woke up from my trance and spilled the wine. And then you came and he held you and kissed you so passionately, I felt as if I was so drunk I had imagined itall.”
I take a deep breath. “The next day you came to my house and you just accused me without even asking for my version. I would never, never steal your man, not even if I was stuck alone on a desert island with him for years.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t trust you. I was such a stupid kid. You looked so guilty when I walked in. And the wine, and the way you couldn’t look me in theeye.”
I look at Star making excuses for the inexcusable and I don’t feel anything. I used to love her. I shrug. “Well, it’s all in the past now. Water under the bridge.”
“It doesn’t have to be. I want us to be friends again. I made a mistake and I want to rectify that. I wish I could explain to you how determined I was to be in love with Nigel. So many people didn’t want us to be together. It made me stubborn. I put up with so much shit because I was so determined to make it work. I had a dream so I changed my whole life to fit that dream. I am so sorry. There must be something I can do to makeup.”
I stare at her. If she offers me money … “What do you want to do to makeup?”
“If you need any kind of help, I want you to come to me first. I owe youthat.”
I shake my head and stand up. “I’ve got togo.”
She stands too. “No, please don’t go. I’ll go. You stay and have lunch.”
“No, I’ve lost my appetite. You stay.” Then I rush to the front door. Outside I can see Rosa and Cindy are each holding one of Janna’s hands and swinging her on the sidewalk while she squeals with delight. I open the door and stand there for a moment, confused. Rosa sees me, says something to Cindy, and walks up tome.
“Youokay?”
“What do you care?” Isnap.
Her head jerks back. “Hey. I’m not the bad guyhere.”
“No, you’re not. You’re just the guy who took Star’s side without waiting to know the truth.”
“Have you ever wondered why I kept in touch with Star and notyou?”
I look at her in astonishment. This is just too much. Was she now trying to tell me there was some good reason for her decision? “As a matter of fact, yes, I did wonder. Do tell me why you made that decision?”
“Because Star needed me and you didn’t.”
“What?”
“You were always the strong one. Star was the one who was in danger from that pedophile. You were so strong and confident you didn’t really need anyone. You took on your sister’s problems and the responsibility of taking care of Janna. How many of our friends do you think could have done that without batting an eyelid?”
I stare ather.
“Star was not like you. She was vulnerable. Her mum was a selfish bitch who never loved anyone except herself. Even now she only calls Star when she needs money. Star needed me. I couldn’t let Nigel win. I couldn’t let him alienate her entire support system.”
I exhale the breath I was holding. I’ve done the same thing Star did. I judged Rosa without giving her a chance to explain herself. “I need time to think thisout.”
She smiles gently. “Okay.”
Cindy and Janna appear at our side. “What’s the matter, Mummy?”
“Nothing, darling. I’ve got a headache.”
“If you don’t want to stay and have lunch we can all go back,” Cindysays.
“No, no, you guys stay and have lunch. Janna has been waiting to have her chicken satay and fried ice cream.”
“You sure you don’t want us to come withyou?”
“Absolutely. I’ll probably just take a couple of tablets and lie down for a bit. I’ll be fine by the time you getback.”