Chapter Twelve
RAVEN
It takesme a long time to fall asleep. When I do my sleep is restless. Full of strange dreams that don’t make sense. I keep waking up to check the time. Finally, at three in the morning, I succumb to a deep slumber. Even then I dream.
I am at the casino and my sister is still alive. I’m unsurprised by the fact. She is wearing her favorite yellow dress and she is carrying Janna. There is no milk for Janna and I offer to go out and buy some. I walk towards the back entrance. I open the door and step into pitch blackness. I can hear the sound of something breathing heavily. Then I hear footsteps. Heavy. A man. His strides are slow and deliberate. I know that he is coming for me, but I am unable to run. My feet are rooted to the spot. I just stand there waiting for him to appear. He comes closer and closer …
I wake up with a start, drenched in a cold sweat.
What the hell was that dream about?
Breathing hard I turn to look at the clock. It is just after six-thirty. I untwist the blankets from my body and go to the bathroom to splash cold water on my face and change into a dry T-shirt. I don’t hear Janna yet, so I pad over to her bedroom, needing her soft, innocent presence after such a terrifying nightmare. I like to bury my nose in her hair to breathe in the candy sweet scent of her shampoo. I open the door quietly and find her wide awake and flipping through the pages of her favorite book. She is actually reading to hertoys.
“Mummy, you’re awake!” she chirps happily, flashing the adorable gap in her teeth.
“Morning, sweets. I didn’t know you wereup.”
“I am,” she says, nodding vigorously, but she doesn’t disentangle herself from her nest of stuffed toys and blankets. She likes to sleep with every soft toy she owns and as soon as she wakes up she always arranges them all aroundher.
“Why didn’t you come to my bed?” Iask.
“Because Aunty Cindy says I’m not allowed to disturb you until the long hand touches twelve and the short hand touches seven on the clock,” she explains solemnly.
I walk up to her bed and she moves some toys to make space for me. I bend down and pretend to look surprised. “My goodness! What happened to your tooth?”
“It fell out,” she says touching thegap.
“Did you check under the pillow to see if the tooth fairy left you some money?”
Instantly, she dives under all her toys, and comes out beaming triumphantly and holding up my five-pound note. “Look, Mummy.”
“Wow. What will you buy withit?”
“Is it enough for apony?”
I raise my eyebrows. “Janna …”
“All right,” she sighs. “Is it enough for three ice creams?” She starts counting it out on her fingers. “One for you, and one for me, and one for Aunty Cindy, and one for nana, and one for gramps.”
“That’s five ice creams,” I correct. I curl two of her fingers. “That’s three and,” I pull the other two out. “And that’sfive.”
“Is it enough for five ice creams?”
I nod and smile. “Yes, my darling. That is enough money for all of us. It’s very generous of you to share.”
“Can we have it for breakfast?”
“No, we don’t have ice cream for breakfast, but guesswhat?”
Her eyes become round. “What?”
“We’re doing something very special this afternoon.”
She sits up, tiny fingers giving a good scratch to the back of her head, her curls bobbing over her shoulders. The ends are a bit straggly and she needs a haircut, but I can’t bear to let anyone put scissors to all those sweet curls.
“I made a new friend and he wants to meetyou.”
“Is your friend apony?”
“No. It’s aman.”
“Oh, okay,” she says with a shrug.
I have to laugh. To me, Konstantin is a force of nature, an earthshattering development that has turned my life upside down. But Janna couldn’t care less. She’d exchange him for a pony anyday.
I open my arms and she launches herself with the force of a small torpedo into me, nearly knocking me backwards onto the floor.
“I love you, little munchkin,” I whisper into her sweet-smelling hair. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Whenever I say those words aloud to Janna, I say it in my heart to Octavia too. I pull back. “Now let’s get some breakfast. We’re having pancakes.”
“Yay!”
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