“Holy fucking shit!” Shea bit out as he slammed into Christian twice more before coming with a guttural shout through gritted teeth.
They both sagged onto the table, sweaty and panting. Shea draped over Christian’s back, his forehead resting between his shoulder blades. Christian’s heart felt ready to explode, and he blurted the words he had promised not to say again until he knew they would be returned.
“I love you, Shea.” He breathed, immediately wishing he could take it back. Shit, he was such an ass.
Shea’s first instinct was to repeat the words back to Christian, to tell the man that he loved him, too, but he hesitated. Was he in love with Christian? He knew that his feelings for his best friend have changed, and he knew that he was falling for him. But was he completely in love with him? He wasn’t sure, and he didn’t want to tell Christian he loved him, too, if he wasn’t absolutely certain of how he felt.
Shea kissed Christian’s back, between his shoulder blades. “I...I can’t, not yet,” he whispered.
Christian pushed up, forcing Shea to back up. They both grunted as their bodies separated.
“It’s fine, Shea. I didn’t expect to hear it back,” Christian replied, his voice void of emotion.
Christian gathered up his clothes and headed out of the kitchen.
“Where are you going?” Shea called after him.
“I need a shower,” he muttered in response and ran up the stairs.
Shea heard the bathroom door slam shut. He closed his eyes and hung his head.
“Fuck,” Shea bit out and scrubbed a hand over his short hair.
Shea pulled his jeans back on and headed upstairs. He went to open the bathroom door but it was locked for the first time ever. Motherfuckinggoddammit! They just had mind-blowing sex and now it was ruined because of three little words.
“Chris? Hey, are you alright?” Shea asked after knocking a couple of times.
“Fine,” Christian croaked.
Shea sighed and dropped his forehead to the door. “Christian, please, let me in.”
“No,” Christian said then coughed hard.
Oh fuck me! Christian was in the bathroom having a panic attack and throwing up.
“Christian...” Shea pleaded. He hated that he was upset and suffering.
“Please Shea...just let me...be alone...” Christian said between coughing and gagging.
“Dammit, Chris. I can’t just leave you when you’re like this. You have to know that I do love you, and I am falling for you. I just don’t want to say something that means so much to you unless I’m absolutely certain that it is how I feel. But you have to know how much I care about you, Christian, otherwise we wouldn’t be together, and we most definitely would not have just had sex.”
“I know you care about me, Shea. I just feel like a complete idiot for blurting that out like I did. I set myself up to be let down. I know you’re not in love with me, and I shouldn’t have put you in that position,” Christian said, his voice muffled by the door between them.
“Can you please open the door? I hate not seeing your face while we’re talking about something like this,” Shea murmured.
“I’m going to hop in the shower. I’ll be down in a minute, okay?” was Christian’s reply.
Shea blew out a frustrated breath and raked a hand down his face. “Alright,” he answered, giving Christian his obviously needed space.
~Chapter 5~
Christian didn’t talk much more to Shea before he left for work, not all that much he could say. He loved Shea, he blurted it out after phenomenal sex, and Shea wasn’t able to say it back. Now Christian was nursing his shattered heart. He felt bad for Shea because the guy didn’t know what to do or how to fix it. He couldn’t, though. Nothing was going to fix what had happened, all they could do was move on, and all Christian could do was pray that he never did it again.
He got home that night around 7:00 pm because he got caught talking to one of his students who never shut the hell up. Christian really hadn’t been in the mood to chat, but he didn’t want to be rude either. When he finally walked in the front door, the house was quiet and dark. Christian frowned. This was the first time in over a month that Shea was not there when he got home.
Christian walked into the living room and flipped on the lamp. After turning on a few more lights, he moved into the kitchen to get something to eat. He was absolutely starving. He really wasn’t in the mood to cook anything, so he just popped the leftovers from last night into the microwave.
Christian had just finished washing dishes when he heard the front door open. He dried his hands and went to make sure that it was Shea. When he walked into the living room, Shea was setting a suitcase by the stairs, the front door still open.