“Been there done that bro. The way you reacted to her is a sure sign that she’s already got her hooks in you and you haven’t even really got to know her as yet. You want to do some sort of search on her?”
“Not yet I’m still deciding whether or not I want to go there.”
“Don’t think too long bro, like dad said the choice might not be yours. If she tears you up inside the way Lamb did me you’re fucked.”
He left after imparting that sage advice, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
For two days her reaction plagued me. We never did go for ice cream that night because Carrie wasn’t feeling well and there was no way Josh was going to leave her side. The guy is like a fucking tyrant when it comes to his wife. Dad must’ve told him a thousand times that she was okay it was just a little set back from her illness, but the way he carried on you’d think she was given a death sentence.
I kept driving into town for a glimpse of her and feeling lost when I didn’t get one. I went to bed at night thinking about her and woke up the same. She’s succeeded in getting my mind off my past fuck up, now my every thought was of her and what she was doing to me. Dad’s talk had helped a little in easing the lingering guilt and the feeling that I’d let my family down somehow. That still didn’t mean I was ready to run out and jump back on that horse again.
I can’t believe I’m actually a little apprehensive about where this was going. One minute I would think it was too soon and the next I was wondering what if. My nosy ass family seemed to think it was a done deal though no one was bringing it up. I could tell from their behavior that they had already made up their minds. Mom was into giving me secret smiles and kissing my cheek every chance she got, calling me her baby boy and shit.
Josh keeps giving me these looks when he thinks I’m not looking, and he and Carrie are always on my ass these days about my look. I got my haircut for the first time in weeks and Carrie was playing fashion police. And everyone was suddenly very interested in my social calendar. I have no interest in swimming in those shark-infested waters again any time soon but I have to be honest. Something’s going on, I just wish like fuck I knew what that something was.
Chapter 6
KADYN
Just another day, same as the one before but at least it was new. That’s the way I wake up these days. Gone were the days when I awakened with hope and excitement of things to come. I was happy to just make it through the day in one piece with no new crap on my plate. Well that was true until a few days ago, when that overgrown behemoth came into my life. He wasn’t even in my life really. I only knew his name because I’d heard his friends call him by it. We hadn’t officially met or anything, not even the day he accosted me on the street. He was so angry, seems that’s the only kind I attract. I must have some sort of defect or something.
That’s why it was best that I stayed the course and hold fast to the decisions I’d made. Never mind that it would destroy every dream I’d ever had of marriage and babies and a loving husband. It was easier this way, better. I’d been feeling so safe here too, having my dad at my back as a shield between me and my past has helped me to put one foot in front of the other. But with this new development, I’m not sure if that’s true any longer.
It wasn’t Matthew’s actions that bothered me, no it was my own. That first day standing at that table looking down at him, his hair wild and sexy, muscles nicely tanned under the tank he was wearing. Before he’d even picked up his head and I’d seen those intense eyes, something strange had started unfurling in the pit of my stomach. Something I shouldn’t be feeling, not after what I’d been through. He had danger written all over him and if I had any sense, I’d stay the hell away from him. It could only lead to trouble and I’d had enough of that to last me a lifetime.
When he’d looked at me with such disdain and growled like an angry bear instead of fear, I’d felt a kernel of excitement. For the barest of seconds, I’d felt just a little tingle of…what? I don’t know. I never had a chance to experience young love. Never knew what it was like to be the object of someone’s affection; never been part of that enigma. The teenage love story. Something else I’d had to sacrifice because of one man’s obsession. My throat choked up with tears as I mourned another lost. For the first time since my nightmare had begun, I wished for things that I had long denied myself. There was no hope for it though, and besides who said he was even interested? In both our interactions, I’d found myself on the receiving end of his displeasure…