He frowns. “What do you mean?”
“I mean there’s no life inside that house. It’s haunted. Want a tour?”
“I do, but I won’t.”
“Why?”
“Because I’ll try to kiss you. And you won’t let me.”
“Ryan—”
He grips the wheel irritated. “I fucking hate this. I hate the fact that I have to go home and find another job.” He turns to me. “But I will. And I’ll find another woman to love. A more beautiful woman, a smarter woman, a woman who isn’t in love with someone else. Should be easy,” he drawls sarcastically.
I lean over and kiss his jaw. “You will find her, Ryan. I know you will. Don’t settle. And when you resent me a little less and love her a lot more, please reach out to me. I already miss you.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. I’ve got me. You’ve done your job.”
He shakes his head. “This doesn’t feel right. I can wait.”
“I’m under his protection here. He’ll be hard-pressed to admit it, but you don’t have to worry about my safety. Trust me. I’m not. Go home. Find that job, but take a salary until you do. But I know someone who could really use you.”
“It won’t be the same.”
“Collin needs you more than I do right now.”
He nods. “Way to guilt me, Cee.” He runs a hand over his jaw. “Fuck, I feel like my band is breaking up.”
“It’s just life. People come and go. But I don’t want to lose you, totally. Not you, Ryan. Promise me that you’ll eventually reach out to me.”
“I will. I was going to stand by and watch you marry another man. I promise we’re good.” He runs his hands along the steering wheel before bringing his dejected gaze back to mine. “I had to try, didn’t I? Isn’t that why you’re here?”
I nod. A piece of my heart breaking. This is the damage I’ve caused by just showing up to Triple Falls. By setting Collin free. Another casualty to add in the wake of my reckless heart. “I love you,” he says with surety. “No matter what.”
“Love you too.”
Defeated, he thumps his head back on the rest and turns to me. “Now get out of my car, you reek of weed and teenage angst.”
Smiling tearfully, I step out and stare up at the house. Feeling my hesitation, Ryan speaks up from where he sits behind me.
“He loves you, you know.” I turn back to where he sits. “Not that I’m encouraging this shit because let me make myself clear, I hate him. He’s a pompous, French asshole. But no man can rage that much over a woman that means nothing to them. He’s fighting it.”
“Thanks for that.”
“I would wish you luck, but the asshole
is toast.”
If only that were true. Then it might make all my sacrifices worth it.
“Call me when you land?”
“I’ll text you.” He drops his gaze as I step away from the car.
Ryan’s been in my life for years, and I can’t imagine not seeing him on the regular. I’ve dismantled my life, my company. People I love and work for because of a fucking bad dream, because of a past I can’t outlive. And my resentment only grows.
The gravity of it strikes me as I close the passenger door and he drives off, granting me the freedom, per my request, to face this alone.