Sean shakes his head. “That’s the kicker of seeing is believing. Any convincing devil worth a damn can look you in the eye and make you believe he doesn’t exist.”
I swallow.
“That still doesn’t explain why I’m the secret.”
“You are for more reasons than one. At first, you were the way to get in, infiltrate his house, aid in the search.”
It takes everything I have not to slap him. I jerk my face away and he forces it back. “Listen to me. At first, I mean early, when we first met, I thought it was a good idea to bring you in. You were a surprise. It started with me. This is on me, and it’s also why Dominic was such a prick to you in the beginning. He didn’t agree.”
Sean pulls me by the wrist to step away from the door before opening it and poking his head out into the hall. A second later, he closes it and exhales. “We can’t stay in here much longer.”
“What are the other reasons?”
Silence. That damning silence. “I would tell you if I could.”
“You bastard,” I swallow again, and again, his confessions have me circling back to the beginning. “That’s why you wouldn’t kiss me at first. That’s why you let me make the decision to sleep with you. It had to be my decision because you were using me. That’s so fucked up, Sean.”
“Look at me.” I do. His eyes cover me in a haze of regret. “I love you. And I’ve been in love with you since this started, Cecelia. And you fucking know it.”
They’re the most painful words I’ve ever heard and feel more like body blows at this point because I’m sure I’ll never know if they’re true.
“So, what, now you’re going to jeopardize your grand plans because you care about me?”
“Plans change. And we’ve got enough of them. With him, we’ve been patient.”
“And you really don’t think I’ll tell him?”
He presses his forehead to mine. “I know you won’t. Dom does too. It’s the others we can’t convince so easily. You are the target’s daughter.”
“He’s still my father!” I shake my head. “This isn’t real life.”
“Unfortunately, it is. Can you go back to your mother’s?”
“No. Sean, you know I’m here to take care of her. She’s still not well, and if I leave now, I forfeit my inheritance. If it were just about me, it would be different.”
“I’m going to do everything I can to make sure it goes down the way it’s supposed to. Arm the house, yourself, but don’t tell him.” The haunted look in his eyes is enough to tell me his fate if I can’t keep this secret.
“Why did you tell me?”
“I just told you. You’re my priority. Not only because of how I feel about you, but because I brought you into this, it’s my fucking fault.” He runs a hand through his hair before slapping it on the door next to me. “I swear to God. I thought it would be safer to bring you in. There’s too much going on to hash out today. Just know I fucked up, Dom and I fucked up, and we all need to…stay away from each other. The longer we aren’t seen together, the more it’ll look like…”
“Like you used me.”
He nods. “One day, I’ll beg you to forgive me, but for now, I need you to listen and hear me. This is real.”
“I don’t know what to say. I can’t believe you’re expecting me to trust you.”
“Trust your gut.” He leans in, in an attempt to kiss me and I turn my head. His exhale hits my neck. He rolls his forehead along the door next to me before pulling back, his eyes imploring mine. “One day, I’ll try and make this right. But right now, I’m begging you to believe me.”
“I don’t know what to think…” Tears fall as I think of Dominic and the way he looked at me yesterday. “Dom doesn’t hate me…” It comes out both question and statement.
“His issue is with your father.” He studies me carefully. “He got to you first?”
I nod.
“He’s been MIA since you got back. I’ve never seen him like this.”
A tear slips from me and he flinches at the sight of it. “You trust me, Cecelia, that’s the hardest part of all of this. I worked so hard to earn it, to try to earn you, though I was partly deceiving you, and…I’ll fucking hate myself forever for this.” He grips my face tightly in his palms. “I knew from the get-go you were more,” he murmurs. “Just think it all through, okay? Think it through. Think about everything I’ve told you. Push that night aside and believe me when I say that was all about protecting and distancing you, rather than hurting you. But I blew it. I blew it because I couldn’t stand to see you in so much pain.”