I let them use me.
I convinced myself it was real.
That they cared.
I thought it was love.
But I was a game to them.
They set me up, lifted me as high as I could fly only to watch me fall.
I don’t realize I’m sobbing until I can no longer see them, but blurred versions of the men I gave my heart—my trust to—as black streaks my cheeks. And maybe it’s best that I don’t, so I can erase the old images with these new ones, replace the everything I felt with the nothing they’ve left me with.
They’d made me feel safe, accepted.
I loved them wholly.
I gave myself to them, and they let me…
One by one, heads slowly turn my way. And little by little, I realize I’ve gathered the attention of the entire garage. Face hot, sobs bursting from me. I slam my eyes shut, willing the moment away, hellfire in my heart, the damning, the branding, the judgment.
I can’t bring myself to open my eyes, to look up, to move. I can’t breathe through this betrayal, through the ache in my heart, through the pain searing through me.
I’m that girl. The girl I swore I would never be. The fool I promised myself I’d never be again.
But here I am, a goddamn fool.
No better than a hired whore.
Worse, I’d given my heart for nothing. To become nothing.
I played with fire, and now I’m singed beyond recognition.
Opening my eyes, I know only seconds have passed while I scan the faces of those laying witness to my end. In them I see nothing but confusion and pity, especially from Tyler whose eyes volley between us.
Sean takes a step toward me, and Dominic slams a hand to his chest, his lips pulling up, his eyes dancing with amusement.
I was their toy, and now I’m no longer worthy of their time and attention.
Disgust fills me as I fixate on Dominic, remembering the words he said to me days ago, the way he touched me beneath the stars. Worse than that, Sean had been just as convincing, maybe even more so. Images flit through my mind of our beginning, our kisses, our shared laughter, waking up in his arms, our conversations.
In their eyes, I’m nothing. Nothing.
In their eyes, I’m just another one.
Destroyed, I’m h
alfway to the door when I hear a scuffle break out on the other side of the glass. I turn back long enough to see Sean’s fist connect with Dominic’s jaw before I fly out of the garage, humiliation pulsing at my temples, blood trickling freely, padding each of my steps.
I don’t bother to pack, and drive through the night.
TWO WEEKS.
That’s what I asked my father for, and he’d granted them to me without an issue. I went straight to Christy, who’d just leased her first apartment in Atlanta. I spent the first week on her couch, crying in her lap as she tried to soothe me with comforting words.
I don’t think Sean wanted to hurt me, not like that, and the fight that broke out seemed to indicate as much. But if he’s that much of a coward, and went along with Dominic’s plan, even entertained it, I can’t allow him to mean anything more to me.
I blame myself. I’d actively taken part in all of it. I’d allowed myself to be passed around like a party favor, all the while begging for more.