His head snaps up, and his eyes pin me. “If you wanted to make me a priority, you had the chance two years ago.”
I swallow. “That was different.”
“How?”
“It was…hard back then. Different circumstances.”
He squares off. “And it’s easy now?”
I give him the truth. “No, it’s not.”
“Why?”
“Several reasons, the first being I can’t just leave. I’m in a show.”
“Exactly,” he shakes his head. “So, there’s no point in getting upset about it. I’m not.”
“Well, that’s apparent. So that’s it? Was last night a goodbye fuck?”
“It was a great couple of days,” he says as if we’re talking about his favorite brand of cereal. “Thank you.”
“Are you really saying this—”
“I can’t swing if I’ve got nothing to swing for.” His voice is arctic. “Stupidly, I always hoped our break up was temporary.”
“I felt the same way, I still love you. Lance, please understand I can’t drop everything and go ringside right now. I just…I’ve been working for this my whole life.”
“I’m aware. I’m not arguing with you.”
“So that’s it? Did you get what you want?”
“Far from it. But you don’t want me to ask for what I want. And you can’t give it to me. So why are you acting jaded?” He laces up his boots. “I need to be able to see you, touch you.” He looks up to me from where he sits on the edge of the bed. “I need a commitment. You refused to commit to me then, you had your reasons, I guess. So, commit to me now, right now.”
Awareness pricks up my spine.
He shakes his head ironically at my silence. “You preach a hell of a lot about faith but seem to have none in us, in me.”
“That’s not true. And that sounded a hell of a lot like an ultimatum, not a question.”
“It is an ultimatum. And you’ve made it true. You told me dancing will always come first, and I didn’t listen. But after last night, I can’t be mad at you for it. I can’t.” He lets out a self-deprecating laugh. “I’ll take your silence as another no.”
“Damnit, Lance, it’s not that simple—”
His silvery gaze cuts me off mid-sentence. “Just fucking once, I would love to hear you say it was a mistake to leave, to leave me.” The guttural edge to his voice has my heart bottoming out.
“Look how far we’ve both come.”
He closes his eyes, and I know I’ve sealed my fate. His voice gets so low, I barely recognize it. “When I’m on that plane on the way home, and I admit to myself I do know why you won’t commit to me, I think it might just rip the rest of me apart.”
“That’s not it. Not at all. Lance, you’re enough, you’re more than enough, don’t go,” I reach for his face, and he grips my hands between his. “Just one more day. We’ve still got time. If you could just stay one more day!” I’m hysterical and humiliating myself. “Stay. Please stay.”
He cups my neck before his full lips cover me in his kiss. It’s far too brief before he pulls away. I feel it then, the distance he’s creating. Eyes intent on mine, he’s still cradling my head when he speaks. “I think what mattered to me most about coming here is that I never got a chance to say I love you. And I do, I love you, Harper.”
His words strike deep, lifting my heart to an immeasurable height before it plummets to the concrete.
“Please don’t go,” I grip his forearms as he releases me.
I hate my stupidity, my cowardice the most. I shouldn’t have to squeeze the life I’ve made to fit inside his. It’s unfair to me. But that’s not what he’s asking. And it’s not the reason for my hesitation. It’s never been the reason. Dancing was just the best excuse to leave him, to leave Grand.