“There’s a girl.”
“Nope.” There’s a woman, and she’s made it abundantly clear I don’t have a shot with her despite the mutual eye fucking. My chances crushed with every arrival of a BMW. There’s more going on than a co-parent dynamic between us, but I’m not about to press it after what she told me last week in her bedroom.
Her words haunt me daily and give me no choice but to accept it’s time to move on from my infatuation with her.
My shifts are more grueling due to my ball schedule, and life isn’t giving me any fucking breaks financially. All my credit cards are getting close to maxed from buying stuff for Dante—things he needs, things he wants—and I can’t bring myself to regret it. And then there’s the fact that Clarissa is finally cashing the checks I give her to help with rent.
I asked for this responsibility, all of it, but it’s getting hard to keep up with my own needs.
And through all of it, I’m frantically holding onto hope I’ll get drafted. Praying for a contract that will make it so money isn’t an issue for Clarissa or me ever again.
“There you go again, trapped in your own thick head. I give up. Do your thing, man, but don’t tell me it’s not about a girl. When a man’s that far in his thoughts, it’s always a woman.” Kevin, though he plays an idiot, is not really as dumb as he makes himself out to be. Why any man would settle for the dunce role is beyond me, but when it comes to his friends, he’s as loyal as they come, and that’s the main reason I keep him around.
“I’m sorry, bro. I’ll get with you soon, and we’ll do our own thing.”
“Whatever, I’m not a jealous girlfriend. Drop me at the library on your way home, would you?”
“Never going to give up, are you?”
“There’s no story if you give up,” he says as we exit the locker room.
I give Lance a nod on our way out, which he returns. Though we still don’t talk much, even living in the same house, our relationship took a drastic turn once I moved in due to stumbling my way into his secrets. In a way, Lance’s fate is in my hands, but he’s trusted me with it. It’s more of an understanding at this point than a friendship, but for us, it works.
After dropping Kevin off, I make it home to see Theo on the couch watching some reality TV show and texting with a shit-eating grin.
“Sup?”
“Hey, man,” he says, not looking up from his phone.
“Got any plans tonight?”
“Nah, I’m staying in,” he says, checking an incoming message before glancing up at me. “You?”
“Going to help Clarissa take Dante trick-or-treating.”
He couldn’t be more surprised. “Really? That’s cool of you.”
“Can’t be too careful these days.”
Theo nods. “Agreed. Have fun.”
“I will. Have a good one.”
Theo had been a virgin up until a month ago, and he still blames me for the massacre that occurred when he lost his virginity. Though I thought I was doing him a solid by taking him to a party and introducing him to a girl, that shit had backfired, and I can tell he still holds a grudge because I was the one who instigated it. Since we met, he’s had his own wariness when it comes to me, and that stunt did not help my case. Everyone has their assumptions, and the truth is that sometimes I do fit the mold. On several occasions I’ve taken advantage of my status, and honestly, that type of shit never mattered to me, until recently.
I find myself caring more and more each day, and it has everything to do with a little boy, who looks like me, who I want to bear my name, and the perception of his mother. I want to be a dad, his Dad, not neighbor Troy, and the only way to accomplish that is by earning the respect of his mother. I don’t expect Clarissa to catch wind of any rumors on campus, but she’s caught me once or twice bidding farewell to a couple of girls on the way out, even though I’ve taken special care to get them gone before Dante wakes. Her perception is my nemesis, and it’s damn near stripped me of everything important to me.
Maybe I’m asking too much, but more than anything at this point, all I want is for Clarissa to look at me, just once, like I’m worthy.
I step back from the front door, fists on my hips. When it opens, I’m met with wide eyes. I deflate as a loud laugh erupts from Clarissa’s shiny lips. I study her pathetic costume and cross my arms over my chest. “I thought you said we were dressing up?”
She smiles coyly. “I meant like a mask or a hat.” She twists so I can see the fairy wings attached to her back. It’s then I notice the sparkle above her eyes that trails down her face and neck and over the rest of her exposed skin. “I didn’t mean for you to go all Tim Burton.”
“I wasted all my bat swagger on you,” I growl, stepping inside the house.
“Taking this neighbor thing seriously, aren’t you?” I don’t miss the way she checks out my ass when I clear the doorway and lean down to whisper in her ear.
“I take plenty of things seriously, you got your fill of my ass or should I strike a pose?”