“I’m not old!”
“All right!”
Stomping out of his room, I open the bathroom door and rip his towel from the cabinet. “Little turd.”
“I heard that.”
The doorbell rings and I know it’s Troy. It’s the first birthday he gets to spend with his son, and I have a feeling he’s going to go all out. I march my geriatric ass to the door and open it to see he’s fresh-faced, looking like a million bucks, even at the early hour. Due to the natural wave in my hair, and the fact I haven’t showered to tame it, I look freshly electrocuted.
“Troy,” I say by way of greeting. My mood rapidly souring.
“What’s with all the yelling?”
“What?”
“I heard you two going at it.”
“Oh, yeah, that.” Mom of the year, right here. “Dante and I were just discussing age.”
“Is that Troy?” Dante calls from his room.
“Yes, eat your breakfast!” I yell back.
“Well, tell him to come back here!”
“Eat your breakfast!”
“You two need an intercom,” Troy chuckles deeply, and I ignore the draw of the sound.
“He needs a muzzle. He’s far too observant, and outspoken.”
My son refuses to be left out of the conversation from his bedroom. “Troy, did you know Mommy is five times as old as I am today?”
Troy winces. “Ah, I can see why that didn’t go over well.”
“She’s too old to be a suppled coed!”
Troy crosses his arms. “What exactly were you two discussing?”
“She’s too old for you!” Dante supplies, humiliating me. “So, you can’t be her boyfriend!”
Briefly, just briefly, I imagine using Dante’s pillow to silence him.
“You told him you were too old for me?” His ridiculously blue eyes roam my face and trail down. “That’s not true,” he whispers before he rakes his lips with his perfect teeth. “I seem to recall—”
“Don’t go there, I haven’t even had my coffee.” What is it about men that they are so hard-pressed to make you remember the time they had their penis inside your vagina? I assume it’s just another territorial thing, or some fruit of my loins bullshit. But I’m not about to let him have his moment. “Do us both a favor and don’t bring that up again.”
“Fine. Are you going to let me in?” I step back as Troy steps in, he’s got on snug-fitting jeans and a T-shirt, full-on man swagger in his steps.
“I’m going to take a shower.”
“Need any help?”
“Just watch him, please. I need ten minutes of peace.”
“Just let me know
if you find any areas hard to reach. Happy to set a good example in helping the elderly.”