“As much as it rips me to say it, there are plenty of guys out there that can give you something more along the lines of normal.”
I gawk at him. “You just told me you loved me, now you’re giving me an out?”
“Yes,” he whispers softly. “Because you need to know what you’re dealing with. Because if you decide you’re in,” he crowds me further, his breath hitting my lips, “I’m keeping you in. I can’t picture a future without you, Mila. I don’t want to. But it’s going to take a shitload of work to keep us solid. We have to be in this together. And I mean in it. We can make some rules, but this is my life.”
“This is insane.”
“This is show biz. The schedule is hell, I haven’t stopped working since I was twenty, if I’m honest, eight. I rarely think about much more than my next project. I get utterly absorbed, I lose myself completely at times, and when I do, half the time I can’t tell you what day it is and not much else matters but the role I’m playing. But the good is there for you to see and I hope you do because I do love you. You’re the perfect distraction from this madness, you’re what I look forward to, and I want this, you, so much.”
This is so not how I saw this party going. “I don’t know what to think.”
He lets out a long breath. “Loving me back will take a huge amount of patience.”
“I already love you back,” I snap with a wobbling chin, “and you dropped a bomb on it.”
True remorse shines in his eyes. “I’m sorry, Dame. You’re the only woman I’ve ever known or wanted that can hold me down.”
“And this is what you love?”
“Yes.” He sighs. “There’s this pride, satisfaction I get at certain times knowing I helped create something, knowing when I did it, I gave it everything I had. This profession brought me to life, Mila, and it saved me too. It’s just as much now who I am as what I do.”
“Because of Maddie?”
He nods. He’s told me bits and pieces, but when he does, I sense he leaves a lot out.
“So, this is the part you tell me the rest of the perks, right?”
His expression turns grave. “If by perks you mean insanely lavish vacations on fifty-foot yachts, open doors everywhere we go, and big toys with big tags? Sure, that can be a part of it, but it’s not really what I’m into. I rarely enjoy my downtime. When I’m home, I’m picking through scripts in an attempt to create more tunnel vision. I’m ambitious, cheap, and moody at times, especially when the role is tough. I get lost in my head and often. But I will love you, Mila and I’ll show you just how much.”
“Sounds toxic. I’m not a babysitter.”
“For you, I’ll grow up.”
Lips still trembling, I sink into h
is gaze and I know I’m already screwed. For the moment, I love him just as much as I loathe him.
“I need to think about this.” It’s all I’ve got. I’m too afraid to hold the ink at the moment and sign on the dotted line. My life will change with Lucas, and drastically. Inside I already have, I’ve made the room, I’ve dreamed of a possible future. I want him, but he himself is warning me away.
He reads my indecision, and I see the hurt it draws. “If you really want to go, I’ll take you home.”
“No, stay,” I manage. “I’ll stay too.”
He looks surprised and equally defeated pressing his brows together. “Mila—”
I didn’t realize a tear had slipped out. He leans in and takes it away with his lips before closing his eyes with a sigh. “That fucking hurt worse than anything I’ve ever felt. I’m sorry.”
“But you can’t promise you won’t do it again?”
He slowly shakes his head.
“So, what you’re telling me is I’m in love with both Jekyll and Hyde?”
He gradually nods.
“Is that all? Any kids running around I don’t know about?”
“I think this is enough, don’t you?”