‘Harvey. It’s me. We need to talk.’
* * *
The next morning Frederick approached the door to Sunita and Amil’s apartments, forcing his steps to remain measured, forcing himself not to dwell on the previous night’s conversation with Sunita. But her words still pummelled his conscience.
‘I didn’t want to get married. You did. There was no choice. There still isn’t...’
The unpleasant edge of discomfort bit into him.
Shades of his father.
He knocked on the door and entered, glanced around for Amil. Anxiety unfurled as he looked around and saw only Sunita at the table. ‘Where’s Amil?’
‘With Gloria. I need to talk with you.’
Dressed in a simple white three-quarter-sleeved dress, belted with a striped blue and red band, she looked both elegant and remote. The only indication of nerves was the twist of her hands.
Sudden familiarity hit him—she’d had the same stance two years before, when she’d been about to leave. Panic grew inside him and he forced himself to keep still.
‘Is anything wrong?’
‘No. I’ve signed a modelling contract. Effective pretty much immediately. We need to discuss the details.’
‘Immediately? But you said you wouldn’t sign a contract straight away.’
‘And I didn’t. The first time the offer came in I refused. But now they have upped the ante and agreed to schedule the shoots around my commitments here. I’d be a fool to pass it up.’
A bleakness started to descend...a strange hollow pang of emptiness. ‘What about Amil?’
‘The first shoot is in India—in Mumbai. I’ll take Amil with me. We can stay with Nanni. Thereafter, whenever I can take him I will, or I will leave him in Lycander with you. Gloria will be here, and I will also ask Nanni if she can come and stay.’
She handed him a piece of paper with her schedule printed out.
Frederick frowned. ‘This can’t possibly have been arranged since last night.’
‘No. Harvey was approached a few weeks ago—right after our first press release. The brand had dropped the model they had planned to use due to her lifestyle. They thought of me. I refused—but now I’ve changed my mind and luckily they still want me.’
‘You didn’t think to discuss this with me at all?’
‘No. Any more than you discuss state business with me. Part of our marriage agreement was that I would resume my career as long as I fitted it around Lycander’s needs. I understand some people may not approve, but to be honest with you a lot of people won’t approve of me no matter what I do. The people wanted Kaitlin. I can’t be her, or be like her. I will not try to fit into a box I’ll never tick. I spent too many years doing that.’
Frederick knew there were things he should say, things he needed to say, but the words quite simply wouldn’t formulate. All he wanted to do was tug her into his arms and beg her to stay—but that was not an option.
Because Sunita didn’t want this marriage—she never had. He’d forced it upon her, caught her between a rock and a hard place. Self-disgust soured his tongue, froze his limbs. He was no better than his father. He had ridden roughshod over her wish not to marry him; he’d inveigled and manoeuvred and blazed down the trail he wanted regardless of her wishes. Worse, he’d bolstered himself with pious justifications.
But it was too late to stop the wedding, to release her from their marriage agreement—it would be an impossibility, the impact on Lycander, on Amil, too harsh.
Just Lycander? Just Amil? queried a small voice.
Of course. It made no difference to him. It couldn’t make a difference to him
Why not?
The small voice was getting on his nerves now. It couldn’t because he wouldn’t let it. Over the past few weeks Sunita had very nearly slipped under his skin, and that way led to disaster, to pain and loss, to messy emotions that got in the way of a calm, ordered life. That would ruin this marriage before it even got underway.
The silence had stretched so taut now he could bounce off it. One of the terms of their marriage agreement had included her right to a career and he would not stand in the way. So he said, ‘I understand. You’re right to go.’
He looked down at the schedule again, but couldn’t meet her gaze, couldn’t seem to quell the spread of cold emptiness through his body and soul.