‘It isn’t in your file.’
She frowned. ‘No, it’s not. Because I don’t want it to be. It’s not a secret—it’s just that I don’t want it to be how I’m defined.’
He could hear the tangle of emotions in her voice—the pain, the anger, the defiance.
‘Do you know what I mean? Have you ever had something happen to you that you don’t want to share with strangers? That’s private to you?’
Her eyes were fixed on his face and he felt her question resonate through him. Thinking back to his own past, and how desperately he had tried to distance himself from his weakness and stupidity, he nodded. ‘You don’t have to explain yourself to me Kitty.’
‘I know I don’t, but I want to.’ She took a step forward. ‘It’s not that I don’t believe in love, it’s that I can’t believe in it. I can’t feel that way again. But I don’t want to pretend either.’
It took him two strides to reach her. Pulling her into his arms, he breathed out unsteadily, and then, before he even knew that it was what he wanted to do, he was lowering his face, brushing his lips over her hair and inhaling her scent.
‘It’s okay. I understand,’ he murmured.
He felt her body tense, and then she leaned into him. Blocking off the thoughts swirling inside his mind, he rested his head against hers.
‘I don’t know what to do.’ She looked up into his eyes. ‘I don’t want to be unfair. This is your child too.’
He swallowed. With her face so close to his, and her warm, soft skin beneath his hands, everything felt possible. No obstacle was too big. Not even her past.
Or his.
‘I know. And, however ineptly I expressed it before,’ he replied, ‘I meant what I said. I want to give my child the kind of loving family home I had. I know we can’t do that as husband and wife, but is there any way we could try and find some kind of middle ground?’
‘Like what?’
She was trying to be fair, but he knew that one wrong word would cause her to bolt.
‘We hardly know each other, and that’s only going to make everything harder in the future, when we need to be able to communicate. If you mean what you say about not being unfair, then we can’t stay as strangers.’
She nodded. ‘So what do you have in mind?’
His heart was beating steadily now. ‘Let’s spend some time together. I think you should move in to the main house. Just until you go back to England,’ he said carefully. ‘There’s plenty of room, and I’m sure your family would feel happier knowing you were being looked after, so let me take care of you. Just for now.’
He waited, watching her face, trying not to let the tension show in his own, and then his heart began to beat with relief and triumph as her eyes met his and she nodded slowly.
CHAPTER SEVEN
‘WOULD YOU LIKE some ham, Señora Quested? Or perhaps a couple of eggs?’
Gazing at her already overcrowded plate, Kitty smiled up at the dark-haired woman standing beside her and shook her head. ‘No, thank you, Rosa. Honestly, this is perfect.’
She glanced guiltily at the plates of food surrounding her. It all looked delicious, but even if she was eating for two, she wasn’t going to make much of a dent in this spread.
Her heart jerked. But perhaps it was not all meant for her? As though following the workings of her brain, Rosa shook her head.
‘Señor Zayas always eats breakfast early,’ she said, leaning forward to refill Kitty’s glass. ‘But he told me that he’s hoping to join you for lunch.’
‘Oh, right.’ Her smile felt suddenly cemented to her face. Were her thoughts that obvious? Swallowing her juice, trying to ignore the heat rising over her throat and cheeks, she met Rosa’s soft brown eyes. ‘Then I’ll see him at lunch.’
She had no idea what César had told Rosa about their relationship. Did a man in his position explain the dynamic between himself and a guest to his staff? Probably not. She certainly couldn’t imagine him doing it and she certainly wasn’t going to try to do so. Not least because right now she wasn’t exactly sure how to explain their relationship herself.
They weren’t a couple.
But he was the father of her unborn child.
And now they were living together.