His eyes locked on hers and instantly she felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand to attention.
‘Then you assumed wrong.’ He shook his head. ‘“Involved”?’ Frowning, he turned the word over in his mouth as though it tasted bad. ‘Clearly you’ve already given this some thought—so tell me, Kitty. What does “involved” actually look like?’ he said softly.
Kitty blinked. His hand was still holding hers and, slipping her fingers free of his, she folded her arms protectively in front of her stomach. ‘I don’t know, exactly, but you travel a lot for work, so I suppose you could come and visit whenever you’re in London.’
His green eyes fixed on her face. ‘Is that your way of telling me you’re leaving Havana?’
Her breath caught in her throat and her heart stopped beating—and then began pounding like a drumroll.
‘I’m not leaving Havana. Not yet, anyway.’ She frowned. ‘Just because I’m pregnant it doesn’t mean I want to stop working.’
‘But you are planning on returning to England?’
Trying to still the jittery feeling in her chest, she glanced past him at the view through the open back door. It looked so idyllic and peaceful, and it would be amazing to raise a child here in the sunshine, but Havana wasn’t her home.
‘Yes, of course.’
He was staring at her as if she had taken leave of her senses. ‘So how exactly am I supposed to be “involved” in my child’s life on that basis?’
A mix of anger and apprehension was creeping over her skin. A moment ago she had liked him, trusted him, thought that she understood him and that he understood her. How could she have got him so wrong?
But what did she really know about this man sitting beside her on the sofa?
She glared at him. ‘How could you be involved in our child’s life anyway? Last time you walked out of that door you told me that you didn’t spend much time in Havana. And you don’t. Seven weeks ago you disappeared off the face of the earth—’
‘So that gives you licence to disappear off the face of the earth with my child?’
‘Of course not,’ she said hoarsely ‘I’m just saying that I didn’t know where you were or when you were coming back.’
‘We had sex once. Of course you didn’t know where I was or when I was coming back.’
The bluntness of his words brought her to her senses. Why was she even having this conversation with him? It was crazy. But he was crazier if he thought she would suddenly agree to marry him.
‘I know that.’ Taking a breath, she got her voice under control. ‘And now I know how you feel about the baby, obviously I would love you to be involved on some level.’
He was staring at her coolly.
‘On some level.’ He shook his head. ‘That’s very gracious of you, Kitty. Would you like cash or are you happy with a bank transfer?’
She shook her head ‘I don’t just mean financially.’ With an effort, she tried to blank out the rapid fire of her heartbeat so that she could think. ‘Look, I’m not trying to sideline you. I’m just trying to deal with what’s real and what’s not.’
His jaw tightened. ‘Then let me help you. What’s real is t
hat we had sex on this couch. Unprotected sex. Now you’re pregnant with my baby, and I intend to watch him or her grow up. Not make do with a couple of snatched weekends a year when I’m passing through Europe.’ He stared at her steadily. ‘I grew up in a loving, family home with two parents. I want that for my child.’
Her heart felt as though it was breaking. She had wanted that too. But marrying César was not going to make that happen.
‘I want that too,’ she said slowly. ‘But that’s not an option here.’
‘It is if you marry me.’ His eyes were as impassive as his voice.
She breathed in sharply. Her head was swimming. She could still remember Jimmy’s proposal, the tremble in his hand as he’d taken hers. He’d loved her, and he’d wanted to share his life with her. And he had, and it had been wonderful, and painful and beautiful, and she wasn’t going to sully the memory of her marriage with some convenient but hollow pretence.
She shook her head slowly. ‘I’m not going to marry you, César. That isn’t going to change and I don’t want to talk about it anymore.’
‘That’s not how this works.’
In reply, she stood up and walked stiffly across the room. He stared after her, and his expression of disbelief would have made her laugh—only she didn’t feel like laughing.