Leaning forward, she pretended to play with the picture while her face cooled. She might have found their kiss memorable, but he hadn’t. Or, more likely, judging by the way he had reacted yesterday, he simply wanted to forget his lapse of judgement.
Her cheeks reheated. He had wanted her at the time. Even without the hard, insistent press of his erection, she knew enough about men to know that he had been aroused. And there had been a breathless, almost feverish urgency to his touch. His hands, his mouth, had been oddly clumsy, as though he had not been in full control of himself.
But any exultation she’d felt in his arousal had been short-lived. Whatever had burned in his eyes moments before—whatever she had imagined burned there—had been swiftly extinguished. And his reaction had confirmed that some of what had taken place, had taken place only in her head.
She felt her face get hotter.
He’d dismissed her—sent her back to the house as if he was a rock star and she some over-enthusiastic groupie. She had checked on Archie, put him down for a nap, and then read in her room until he’d woken up. Coming downstairs, she had somehow managed to sound polite and yet avoid meeting Charlie’s eyes.
If he had noticed any coolness in her manner he’d made no reference to it. Instead he’d strolled in for dinner, looking cool and relaxed and basically as if they hadn’t been chewing each other’s faces off a few hours earlier.
And it had been the same this morning.
Oh, she felt so stupid. It was embarrassing enough that she had kissed him, but it was mortifying knowing that he classified what had happened between them as a narrow escape.
Hypocrite, she thought.
She felt the same—she just didn’t want him to feel it.
But they were both right. Whatever it might have felt like when he had held her, it had just been a trick that intimacy had played on her senses, and that was the reason why she had never let things get this far with anyone before now.
Sex—at least the one-night stand variety—was different. That was sex on her terms. But anything more and the rules said that you had to share more of yourself than your body.
Only how could she do that?
She couldn’t let someone see the ‘real’ her—couldn’t face them discovering that she wasn’t worth keeping. Or loving. And so she had always stopped herself before anything could get started. Not getting started equalled not getting hurt later down the line.
Her jaw clenched. Pity she hadn’t remembered that yesterday.
But it wouldn’t happen again. She was done with giving away pieces of herself just to get half of nothing back.
‘Do-Do.’
Looking up, she blinked. Charlie was standing beside her, holding Archie against his sun-dappled torso. With the sun behind him, she couldn’t read his expression, but she could feel his eyes skimming over her skin like two dark stones.
Being on stage had made her bulletproof regarding her appearance—but then she had never had to sing wearing an electric blue bikini, and suddenly she wished she had chosen to wear a one-piece instead.
‘Hey, Buttons.’
Smiling, she took the baby onto her lap and began drying him gently with a towel.
‘He’s very confident.’
Her heart jumped slightly as Charlie dropped down onto the lounger beside her. He had smoothed his wet hair back against his skull and, averting her eyes from the droplets of water trickling down his shoulders and chest, she said quickly, ‘He’s been going to Tadpoles—it’s a baby swim class. He absolutely loves it; he always loved it—even the first time, when some of the other babies got upset.’
Without thinking, she smiled at the memory—and then felt her stomach clench as Charlie’s eyes dropped to her mouth.
‘What made you think of taking him?’ he asked.
‘What?’ She frowned. ‘Oh, it was Della’s idea...’
Something pinched in her chest and she lowered her face, brushing her cheek against Archie’s damp hair. Tears formed behind her eyes. She could still remember sitting at the side of the pool, watching her sister’s face, seeing her absolutely fierce pride and love and thinking how lucky Archie was to have Della as his mother.
‘It’s in his nature to be brave,’ Charlie said gently. ‘To try new things.’
‘Why do you say that?’
Reaching out, he picked up the toy monkey and held it out to Archie. ‘He was born in the Year of the Monkey. That makes him smart and brave. And a little bit of a show-off.’