Bella flinched at the raw agony in that command. But this time she was ignoring his rejection of her. She had to. She wrapped her arms around his waist.
‘Don’t.’ This time it was a whisper. ‘I don’t...’
She held him in the gentlest, smallest of embraces.
‘You didn’t kill her,’ Bella said softly. ‘Cancer killed her.’
‘If she’d seen a doctor sooner...if she hadn’t been stressed and heartbroken...if she’d fought harder...so many ifs. So many mistakes that were my fault.’
But as he spoke his voice went from emotional to expressionless.
He put his hands on her arms and lifted them so he could step back, free from her. She gazed up into his shadowed face but she could see the determination glinting in his eyes. Goosebumps peppered her skin. He was so used to controlling himself. Even now, he could pull himself together. A cold fear rose within her.
‘I will not hurt another person the way I hurt her,’ he said softly, intently looking down into her eyes. ‘Do you understand?’
‘And you think keeping yourself isolated is the way to do that?’ It was hard to talk past the giant lump that had formed in her throat. ‘You think living only half a life is going to somehow make up for the loss of hers?’
‘I lie,’ he said harshly, his hold slipping for a second again. ‘I live a lie. Every. Damned. Day.’ He slammed his fist on the wall behind him. ‘I’m not some heartbroken hero. I’m a cold-hearted bastard.’
‘You’re not that at all.’ A tear spilt down her cheek. ‘Because you do lie. You’re protecting her memory. You’re caring about her parents and her.’
‘It doesn’t make it okay,’ he said roughly. ‘It will never make it okay.’
CHAPTER TEN
HE NEVER, EVER should have told her. Because now it was pity in her eyes when she looked at him. And he didn’t want that. He forced himself to walk away from her. It was over. There was no going back to their lovers-go-lightly affair now.
But she was more beautiful than he’d ever seen her. Her skin glowed, her hair hung in a long, glossy swathe, she smelt of sea and sun and when she’d first got back to the boat after the dolphins she’d looked supremely happy and relaxed. And he was arrogant and egotistical enough to take pleasure in that it was because of something he’d done. But now, the truth was out and she was in tears and their escape was up.
‘The helicopter will be here in twenty minutes,’ he said formally, determined to recover his equilibrium. ‘We have to go back.’
‘Of course. I’m ready now.’ When he turned back to face her she’d dried her eyes and her back was straight.
He wanted to bring her glow back. That unadulterated happiness that for once had had nothing to do with sex. He wanted to know she was going to be happy beyond this moment. He hated the thought of her returning to that club and its exhausting demands. He wanted to know she was going to be happy in her future.
‘I want to give you the funds to establish your ballet school,’ he said without thinking.
She stared at him fixedly.
‘As an investment,’ he clarified quickly. ‘San Felipe is a cultural capital of Europe and we don’t have a ballet school that could train dancers to professional level...’ He trailed off as her expression hardened.
‘It’s a poor investment,’ she said. ‘You won’t get the return that you would for almost anything else.’
He didn’t want a damn return on his investment. ‘Is that what that backer told you? He doesn’t know what you’re capable of.’
She would make it a success, he knew, because she would work herself to the bone to ensure she did. She was more determined than anyone he’d ever met.
‘I appreciate what you want to do, but I can’t accept it.’ She was very, very polite.
‘Why not?’
She paused, picking her words with care. ‘I want to do it myself.’
‘You don’t have to do everything on your own,’ he argued grimly. ‘You want the academy, it’s yours. No one will ever know where you got the backing from.’