There was nothing on this earth worse than being enclosed like that. The feeling of being trapped was horrific. I’d rather burn myself on the stove , or be starved for days, than be confined.
I wasn’t sure if living as a stranger’s wife would be better or worse, but the entire thing was too terrifying to think about.
Instead, I stared at the ship as the sails were raised, hoisted by men who had purpose. They knew where they were going, and what their lives would hold. And if they wanted to change, they had the power to do so.
For just a moment, I wished on the wind that I might be given real choices someday.
~ Chapter 1 ~ Maggie ~
* The Crate *
Perhaps that strange ship had been some sort of omen. Since it sailed away from our little port last week, every aspect of my life had been even rougher than usual.
I’d heard the ladies at the market gossiping that the dark ship would be back soon. I’d never put much stock in their whispers, yet almost hoped the ship would return, and break this spell of tension surrounding me.
As I hid in the tiny room where I slept, I could hear my father down at the dining table, speaking with my brothers about how much of a dowry they should pay to be rid of me.
No matter that my brothers were still children. They were considered to be men of the house, and my father was teaching them that they could do anything they liked.
It was so frustrating I almost wished that women were permitted to curse.
With my ear pressed to the door, I listened in as the three of them made a decision.
Even though Mr. Smithson was a much nicer man, and could at least provide me with a decent home right at the edge of the sea in the good part of town, my father, Neil and Earl decided that I should marry Mr. Helsby.
He drank heavily, and although his house was a bit nicer than ours, it wasn’t by much. But he had requested a much smaller dowry, which would leave the boys more money for school clothes and books.
Naturally, my brothers were only thinking of themselves. They saw themselves as men from the moment they turned thirteen, and considered me a useless mouth to feed.
How I wished that my mother was still alive. She had passed from the fever ten years ago, leaving me to attempt to care for the family. Even though I’d worked hard and tried my best, it was never good enough.
Either one of my brothers was a lot stronger than I was, but with the two of them working together, I didn’t stand a chance. I’d been locked in the root cellar, locked in my room, and locked out of the house in a thunderstorm.
I didn’t know which was worse, catching a fever and leaving this world the same way as my mother, or being locked up. Being confined caused a panic deep within me that was utterly unbearable.
It was extremely rare that I was able to finish my entire dinner, as the two of them would just help themselves from my plate.
I was completely trapped in this pathetic life, as surely as if I were locked in the cellar. My only option was to run away, yet I’d heard tales of what might happen to women who traveled alone.
The meeting of the male family members concluded, and the boys ran down to the docks to hear stories from the fisherman.
“Maggie, get down here,” my father hollered up the rickety stairs.
I ran down immediately, resigned to my fate.
“Mr. Helsby will likely come calling on you tomorrow night. Make sure that you look…” He waved his hand toward my crisply scrubbed face, and the single braid guiding my dark hair down my back. “A bit dressier than that rubbish.”
Nodding, I didn’t dare speak, although part of me wanted to ask how I was supposed to dress nicely, when I had nothing better than my Sunday dress. Maybe at the very least, I could ask Mrs. Cooper down the road to style my hair in a fancy twist like she sometimes wore.
“He’ll be courting you for at least a few weeks, I should think,” my father said, seeming irritated by the entire process. “Then you’ll be marrying next month and moving into his house.”
Nodding, there was nothing else to say. The matter has been decided. As always, my opinions meant as little as a mote of dust on the breeze.
“I’m hungry. Fix dinner a bit early tonight,” he said, “And fetch the boys from the docks so they’re not late.”
Practically biting my tongue, I nodded and went to the kitchen to begin scrubbing vegetables.
I didn’t know what made him think that his sons ever listened to me. Even though I’d done everything to care for them over the years, they tormented me. He didn’t want to try to discipline them, and since I was only their older sister, there was no reason for them to mind me.