Bobby Jo grabs a tall candle from the mantle and starts using it as a microphone. “Look at that! Like a rabbit on speed. We’re here at the hump Olympics and he’s going for gold! The judges are loving it!” She drops her voice to talk to me conspiratorially. “I may have doubled up his balloon. And underfilled it a bit. Makes for more excitement.”
The couch shifts again, and now Simon is flat on the floor but Roman is still right on his ass. Literally. Just pounding him into the floor.
I might pee myself.
When the balloon finally pops, Bobby Jo shouts, “The judges give them all tens!”
Roman rolls off him and lies beside him on the floor. Both are trying to catch their breath from the humping and laughing.
Bobby Jo holds the candle down by Simon’s mouth. “How do you feel?”
Simon puts his forehead to the floor. “Violated. Vulnerable. A little used. I didn’t even get a kiss.”
Yeah, this is the man for me. There’s not one doubt in my mind. It doesn’t mean I’m not still scared of being cheated on again or hurt, but nothing that makes life worth living comes without a risk.
At some point, you just have to say fuck it, let’s do this.
In the end, it’s worth it.
I get to ride this man into the sunset.
TWO YEARS LATER
SICILY
“Thank you for not letting my daughter plan this celebration,” Monica says, as we get ready to head out to the limo I’ve arranged. “I’m sure you’re aware of the last bachelorette party she and Henley put together.”
Of course I am. It’s legendary. Still, I didn’t want a puke fest or vibrator races tonight.
It’s one of my last nights as a single woman and I plan to have fun. Probably not the type of fun that Monica is expecting. She’s not quite aware of how my friends have influenced me. Anderson insisted we tell her we were going to a nice dinner and dancing at a respected club because his stepmother probably wouldn’t attend otherwise.
Monica and I get along wonderfully. She was thrilled when Anderson and I got together and gives me credit for settling him down, though I think he decided that before we got involved.
Our first stop is to pick up Kasha and Henley. As soon as we pull up, they rush out and clamber into the limo. “This is going to be so fun!” Kasha squeals.
Monica tilts her head to give her a fond if a bit exasperated look. “Try to behave yourself tonight. There will be respectable people also trying to enjoy themselves. We aren’t going to some scummy strip club.”
Kasha pats her mother’s leg. “No worries. I will behave accordingly.”
It’s hard not to laugh at the evil smile she tosses me.
I didn’t lie to Monica.
Technically, Kasha didn’t plan tonight. I did most of it, but Anderson had some ideas as well.
Lydia and Bobby Jo are our next pickups since they live next door to each other. When I moved in with Anderson, Lydia and Simon bought the house. Only a few months ago, I was a bridesmaid in their wedding. Now she’ll stand up for me in mine.
Bobby Jo stands at the edge of their yard while Lydia goes back for another kiss from Simon. “Come on! He’ll still be here tonight when you’re drunk and wanting some,” Bobby Jo calls out, loud enough for the neighbors to hear.
When they both climb into the limo, Kasha elbows Lydia. “You two are kind of completely disgusting with the mushy shit. Just so you know.”
“They’re newlyweds!” Monica exclaims, grinning at Lydia. “Leave them alone. It’s how it’s supposed to be.” She reaches into the mini bar and pulls out some tiny drinks to hand around.
“Pre-game, that’s what I’m talking about!” Bobby Jo exclaims, sucking hers down. “Roger better be ready for some freaky shit when I get home tonight!”
“Ew, please, no,” Kasha begs.
“He’ll be begging too,” Bobby Jo says with a nod. She hands one of the bottles to Lydia. “Here, you’re going to need this. We both know the houses are close enough for you to get an earful later.”
Lydia grins and shakes her head. “No thanks.”
Kasha and Henley look at her like she’s crazy. “You aren’t drinking?” Kasha asks.
“At a bachelorette party?” Henley adds. “Did Simon replace you with a clone? Is that what’s going on?”
All eyes are on her. Poor Lydia. I know why she’s avoiding alcohol, but she wasn’t going to tell the others yet. She gives me a look, and I nod.
“Well, it’s not a clone situation but some reproduction is involved. I didn’t want to say anything yet and take away from Sicily’s week.”
Kasha’s jaw drops. “Are you serious?”
Henley blinks, still not catching on. “What?”
Lydia nods, laying her hand on her belly.
“She’s pregnant, you idiot!” Kasha leaps out of her seat to hug her. “I’m going to be an aunt!”