It makes me nervous that she’d even contemplate doing it if she’s nervous about it.
Like, why?
And I know why. I know how guys are. I know sex.
I know what it feels like being pressured into something that you don’t want to do. I mean, it’s never happened to me with sex, but yeah…I know pressure.
idk maybe I’d do it. Thinking about it makes me nervous…
Shit.
Been arrested: in a nightmare
I actually laugh, my lips rising.
I glance at the storage room door to see if anyone heard, but it’s just me here. No heavy footsteps or knocking yet.
Turned someone down: for what? Like dating?
Yeah, I didn’t fucking get that question either.
Fallen for a friend: no. I don’t like the guys at my school like that (you wouldn’t either if you were me)
What the hell does that mean? I shift my weight on the ground, uncomfortable all of a sudden. And it takes me a moment to realize that I’m uncomfortable for her. Were they pricks? Were they aggressive? I’m just picturing assholes running around her school like uncaged gorillas.
More questions…
Do you have any pets: my dad hates pets, but when he moved out a year ago, my mom let Ellie get a hamster. It smells really bad
Hamsters are gross.
What did you do for your last birthday party: ate out at the Noodle House with just my mom, sister and Maggie. I don’t like big parties, especially not ones about me
This one rips at me a little bit. Last time I had a small party—with only three people attending—was, well, never. I’d usually invite most everyone in my grade. Even when I was three and four and five, it’d be huge. I didn’t want to be alone on that day—though I’d always sneak out early midway through.
Name something you cannot wait for: A REBOOT OF NEW X-MEN (PLEASE HAPPEN!!! I’LL TAKE ANYTHING!!!) Also, for Maggie to meet Scarlet Witch (aka Elizabeth Olsen) one day.
Again, she really likes comics.
What irritates you: being forced to speak up in large crowds
Yeah, that’s not fun.
Nickname(s): none (I’m not that cool)
I shake my head. She doesn’t even know how cool she really is.
Relationship status: single
I’m smiling, a full-blown smile that I haven’t felt in years, honestly. I shake my head at myself. You’re in way too fucking deep, Abbey.
I know.
Favorite TV show: tie between Gravity Falls & X-Men: Evolution. I love them
Never heard of either of them. I actually pop up the notepad on my phone and write down Wallflower, Gravity Falls, X-Men: Evolution so this all makes more sense.
High School: ready for it to expire
College: wish I could go. I’m working on it
Hair Color + Length: light brown, straight, and about to my chest?
Height: 5’5’’
Your crush: TOM HIDDLESTON!!! (aka Loki)
Loki? Really, with the long black hair? I touch my forehead. My hair is a medium-whatever. I mess my hand through the strands as I continue reading.
Tattoos: my dad says no
Strict Dad? Why’d he let her move here then? She’s not even out of high school.
Right or left-handed: Right
Any surgeries: nothing that serious
Any piercings: double lobe piercings on both ears, just four little studs, two bats and two stars
Yeah, I saw those.
Favorite sport: sports? *runs and hides*
Sometimes I feel like that too. At least with lacrosse.
First vacation: never left Maine before, but when I was really little, we used to go to the coast, about 4+ hours from Caribou, and we went sailing one time. I can’t really remember it, but my mom has pictures. Everyone seems happy
What…
My knees fall, and my foot knocks over a cardboard cutout of Hawkeye. I pause for a second, but nothing else stirs, no one coming in here. I glance back at Tumblr.
She had never left Maine before.
Without having ever really traveled, she moved here. Away from her parents and sister.
These thoughts just crash into me, trying to process. Trying to understand. Because I see myself trying to do the same fucking thing, and I’m not sure I’d have the courage to step one foot out the door.
I stare at the wall, for about three minutes total. Just staring and imagining that giant leap into the unknown.
I don’t know how…I can only feel fear.
Currently…
What are you eating: vanilla birthday cake that I made for my sister. I snuck downstairs for a slice & brought it back up
What the fuck. Why is she sneaking downstairs in her own house? Did they lock her up there? You know what, I don’t like her family. It’s a declaration I make in my head with limited facts from a Tumblr questionnaire. I get that. But I don’t give two shits. I’m sticking by it.
What are you drinking: a flat can of Fizz Life
What are you waiting for: this birthday party to end
Seriously. What happened?
Do you want kids: idk I don’t think about that
Marriage: I don’t mind either way