Gary props his elbows up on the desk. “I really do appreciate you comin’ in like this, Hoyt. It’s no small feat to admit when you done wrong, and that is worth somethin’ around here.” He lets out a soft sigh, then grimaces. “But I’m afraid Harrison’s got it right. We have a replacement.”
“So quickly …?” Hoyt’s gaze drops to the floor. “But I … But it was just the day before yesterday that I—”
“I know, I know,” says Gary soothingly. “It doesn’t seem fair, I know, but it’s just the way the cards fell. You left. We needed the extra help. Someone was there, waitin’. And now the spot’s taken again.” He shakes his head. “I’m afraid we just have to—”
“I’ll work for free for a whole week,” Hoyt goes on, turning desperate. “Please. Give me another chance. Whole week. Free. I’ll show you I remember every dang thing I was taught. I won’t let you down. I owe a lot to the Strongs for makin’ me what I am, for givin’ me the opportunities I had in school. Your nephew changed my life and gave me a purpose. Let me repay that. Please. Please.”
Gary leans back in his chair, appraising Hoyt.
Then his eyes shift to me. “Well, we could use the extra help. But despite all you say, Hoyt, I’m afraid it isn’t, in fact, my opinion that matters when it comes to takin’ you back.”
He squints at Gary, confused. “What do you—?” He follows his line of sight—to me.
Then Hoyt Nowak shits a brick.
Gary clears his throat. “It’s your immediate supervisor who’s got to approve your rehire. He’s the one whose opinion you need.”
And now Hoyt and I have an old-fashioned stare-off.
His burning, resentful, fearful eyes.
My confident, awaiting, stony eyes.
Hoyt appeals to Gary one last time. “Sir …”
Gary gestures at me. “Harrison.”
It must take every last scrap of everything Hoyt has to even muster the humility to turn and face me. And when he does, he turns slowly, as if still urgently searching his mind for a way out of having to talk to me. I can see the discomfort in his eyes.
He gathers his thoughts. Then he speaks to me—by speaking to the floor. “I know I let you down. I let the pressure get to me.”
“You let everyone down.”
“I know. I went about it all wrong. I …” He takes a deep breath. He really doesn’t like saying this. “I should have listened to you. I shouldn’t have been so … difficult to deal with.”
“Difficult in what way?” I ask innocently, tilting my head. “Go ahead, now. Spell it out a bit. Just so I know you understand.”
Hoyt meets my eyes, scowling, jaw tightening.
I might be enjoying this too much.
Then he shuts his eyes. And at once, all the anger falls away from his face like a curtain. “I was arrogant. I was acting out. I … I think I’m lettin’ my own fears control me … my fears about what people think of me.” He looks at me. “It shouldn’t matter, but it does. I didn’t walk onto this farm with a clean slate. I’m well aware that it’s my fault everyone’s got an opinion of me. So … this ain’t just about a job. Or about affording college. It’s about me proving I can be a better person. I want to be better. And I …” Hoyt lifts his chin. “I want you to keep being hard on me, Harrison.”
The cocky smirk on my face fades.
“I need it,” Hoyt goes on. “I don’t want to run you over with my … my bullish behavior. I think you did me more good in just a day than anyone’s ever done me. We might’ve locked horns, but I gotta respect that you know what you’re talkin’ about, and I still got quite a lot I can learn from you. More than just the farm stuff. I think … you can make me a better man.” His eyes become wet with emotion, but his voice remains level and firm. “Please just give me a chance, Harrison. I wanna do better. I wanna be better. One last chance, it’s all that I’m askin’ for. You don’t even gotta pay me the whole first week. Just keep my sorry ass around a lil’ bit longer.”
I study him for a while, watching the worry dance around his face, his beseeching eyes, his tightened jaw.
I hate that it isn’t just an instant no. I hate that I’m actually considering it at all. I hate that my parents’ voices are in my head right now urging me to exercise compassion.
It takes a lot of anger sometimes to exercise compassion.
“Please,” he begs again.
His eyes growing deeper with need by the second. It would be so satisfying to look into those eyes and say no.