I’ll find a way after her debutante ball to break it to her gently, but since I expect her to be leaving with her grandmother, I think she’d be okay. She’ll have people there to comfort her. It was a bit of a tug of war for me going ahead with destroying Felix just days before I broke the news of our split to her, but it couldn’t be helped. The timing of all this isn’t necessarily my doing after all. I’m just going with the flow.
At the end of the day, the bottom line is that no matter how I feel about her, or anyone else for that matter, I can’t turn back the tide. I can’t not be who I am. And though I know she’s going to be hurt, I’m hoping the pain wouldn’t be as intense, seeing as how we’ve only known each other for a little more than a month.
I have no doubt that in time, she’ll get over it, get over us, and move on. It’s the moving on part that bothers me somehow, but so far, I’ve refused to look too deeply into why that should be. I won’t be around anyway, so it shouldn’t matter to me. But somehow it does, and just as with love, I have no idea how to deal with these feelings, have no experience with the emotions that thinking of her moving on with someone else when I’m gone evokes in me.
The rest of the day was spent in high anxiety for the girls who, once we returned to the castle, were inundated with preparations for the upcoming party the following night. Their chatter, especially hers, did my heart good because it was getting to the point where I couldn’t put off thinking about my own doings much longer. I’d put aside my own plans and thoughts of what was to come to truly devote myself to her all day.
I wanted to give her that much, at least, because she deserved it and more. Now it was time to turn my focus once again to Sicily.
Now, to the reason for my little chat with the boys earlier. I’d decided at some point to allow them to join me on my trip to Sicily, only for the reason that if I disappeared, Pop would freak, and I didn’t want that. I played around with the idea of sneaking out during the night, but because I’d never been there before and wasn’t sure about the protocol of a young man entering a convent after hours, I didn’t want to chance it.
This way, they will see it as just a side trip with no real significance, so not something they needed to report to him until it was all said and done. It may be going a bit overboard, but I like to cross all my T’s and dot every I. By the time they realize I’m not really going to the catacombs but headed for the plane, it would be too late, and I’ll just use my handy little device to jam their cellphones before takeoff, easy.
As for Pop’s other little spy, for some reason, Lancelot decided to stick close to me for the rest of that first night with his distrusting ass, which in retrospect I didn’t mind, since he can only run back and tell Pop that there was nothing going on. My calculations seem to be on point because even he had relaxed his stance and enjoyed his day instead of worrying about what I might be up to.
Outwardly I’d been my usual laid-back self, though, in my head, I’d been moving things around, preparing for any bumps in the road, and basically envisioning how I wanted things to play out. I was now very close to taking care of the one thing that had haunted me my entire life.
I was finally about to face my demons and put them to rest for good. If I were truly selfish, I would use the time left to gorge myself on Gianna, taking even more from her than I already have. Instead, I choose to do everything, give her everything, except more of me.
By that, I mean I won’t touch her. There won’t be any last one for the road. I’m not that callous to take her while knowing that it was over. It wouldn’t be fair to her. So, I concentrated all my efforts on showing her the best time sans that. Just being here seems to be doing the trick, and the twins kept her preoccupied with their girly shit, which she was all into, so there is that.
“What are you up to?” I have no idea why he’d be asking me that, seeing as all I was doing at the moment was sitting quietly in a corner watching the girls at play.