I sighed. My instincts were screaming to shut the conversation down. I didn’t ask for help. I didn’t do this shit, but I also didn’t know what else to do. “What makes you think I’m afraid to be happy?”
“The last time I saw you really happy was before the marriage fell apart. It was still early, but ever since the split you’ve been different. It’s like you run any time something good comes along, and shit, man. I can’t tell you why that is. Only you know that.”
“I committed to Katie even though I had doubts. Once we were pregnant with Billy, I decided it was time to shut those doubts out. And then Molly came along, and it seemed like that was it. I’d committed, and there was no turning back. But we weren’t happy. The split was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I hated doing that to the kids. I worried every night they’d think it was their fault somehow.”
“And you don’t want to put them through that again. But what’s worse? A hollowed-out shell of a dad who is too fucking scared to come see them because he’s worried he’ll run into Harper? Or do you think they’d rather risk you breaking up with someone you honestly thought you might have feelings for?”
I let out a heavy breath. “It doesn’t matter what I feel about Harper. I thoroughly fucked that up.”
“You know that because you tried to unfuck it, or because you’re assuming you can’t?”
“You don’t understand how hard I pushed her away, Zack. It’s over. As over as it can be.”
“If both of you are still breathing, it’s not ever completely over. There’s always a chance. Assuming you’re done being a fucking idiot and realize it’s a chance you want to take, that is.”
I stared out the window. It was overcast in D.C. today. Ever since my father had pushed his dreams on us, part of me thought this was the picture of success. A corner office with a view of a packed city full of busy people. Maybe I hadn’t taken the exact route my dad wanted and maybe he’d still disowned me, but some part of me clung to the pride of knowing I had a real job. It was a damn good career, no matter what he thought.
But what would I be if I took over the inn in Fairhope? Just some small town nobody? I could already picture the sneer on his face when he found out. Of course there was Lindsey’s offer, too. I didn’t have to take over Gramps’ business. I could keep some version of my job and work remote.
“Thanks,” I said. “I need to think.”
“That would be a nice change,” Zack said.
“Asshole,” I muttered, then hung up.
But my brother was right. I hadn’t been thinking. I’d been running on pure instinct, and it was time to change that. I knew I’d been acting irrationally, and I knew I’d been stupid, but it was just now starting to dawn on me how colossally stupid I’d been. I pinched the bridge of my nose, then I started looking up flights.
43
HARPER
With the help of two new staff Gabby had hired, we opened up the restaurant for lunch hours as well. It meant implementing an entirely new menu and adding new vendors to the supply chain, but it also kept me too busy for my mind to wander.
Farrah had gone home for the night, but Lin was still around to help me get some last-minute dough set up and ready to proof for tomorrow.
“You know, there’s this really cute guy staying here. I saw him checking in yesterday and talked to him a little. He’s single and he was asking about you.”
I gave her a look. “And?”
“And it would be good to see you get back on the horse. Unless you’re planning to mope around for the rest of your life and pretend you’re not still hung up on Greyson.”
“I’m not still hung up on him. I’m still pissed at him. There’s a difference.”
She rolled her eyes. “Then vent some of that anger while another guy dicks you down.”
“I don’t have time to date right now.”
“Because you keep adding more shit to your plate. It’s like you’ve become allergic to free time. Almost like you can’t handle being alone with your thoughts anymore. I’m serious, the best medicine for a bad breakup is rebound sex.”
“Thanks for the advice,” I said simply.
Lin shook her head, but thankfully dropped the topic.
I was heading outside after midnight, and I paused when I got out the door. Greyson was standing there, looking like he was freezing his ass off but holding a bouquet of flowers.
I stared. My brain was doing its best to connect the dots. He apparently was in town. He was here. It was past midnight. He was holding flowers–were they for me? What did that mean?