My sister stared at me. When I didn’t speak, she raised her eyebrows. It was combined with a gentle curve of her lips, and she reached for her water.
“Mhmm. That’s what I thought.”
I sighed, dropping my chin. “I don’t even know what it is that I feel,” I admitted. “And I don’t want to know, either. It’s far easier to not ask the questions I don’t want to know the answer to.”
“Do you not want to ask because you don’t want to know? Or because you’re afraid of the answer?”
“All right, Aristotle. Settle down. There’s no need to be so philosophical.”
“Oh, stop it. You saw me last summer when I came home from Bentley Manor,” Addy said, leaning towards me. “I was a mess.”
That was true. She spent days in bed, feeling sorry for herself, crying periodically. I’d never seen her as heartbroken as she’d been in those days, and it’d taken me and Gabriella losing it and telling her to go and tell Alex how she felt before she’d snapped out of it.
Of course, he’d decided to do the same thing at the exact same time. She’d driven back up to Whitborough right as he’d been on his way south to Arrow Woods. It was something out of a bloody romantic comedy movie, honestly.
“All of it could have been avoided if I’d just been honest with myself and admitted that I was in love with Alex before I left. Instead of speaking to him, I ran away because I was scared,” Addy continued. “I don’t know that I’d change it now, because I think we both needed that time to admit to ourselves that we’d fallen for each other.”
“I can’t do that, though. It’s not as simple for me. We’re married. We have a deal.”
“What does it say in that deal about real feelings, huh? You have to have discussed it because Alex told me he suggested the break clauses to Matthew.”
I rolled my shoulders. “Yes, we discussed it. We agreed that we’d be honest about real feelings for each other and take time apart if necessary.”
“Do you need time apart?”
“I can’t disappear. It’s been two weeks since we got married. I can’t bounce in like, “Oh, hey, I have some weirdo feelings, mind if I bugger off for two weeks to calm down?”” I stared at her. “I’m going to have to deal with this until I figure out what’s actually going on. I can’t decide if I have real feelings or if it’s a comfort thing, given that he’s really the only person I know here.”
“That’s true,” she said quietly. “I suppose I got roped into life in Whitborough quite easily, and the cross-stitch gang helped me settle and provided an escape. I bet you don’t have that.”
I didn’t. And I wasn’t entirely sure where I’d find friends up here, either.
“I’m sure I’ll meet people soon.” I picked my fork back up. “You were quite lucky, and Bentley Manor is closer to Whitborough than Menai Castle is to Stoneheadnton, and that’s the closest village.”
“That’s true. We came through Stoneheadnton after I made a wrong turn, and it was still twenty minutes away.”
I grimaced. “That’s the reality of it here. It’s beautiful, and I really do love it, but everything is so far apart.”
“Well, we’re not that far away from each other if you go through the mountains. It’s a much prettier drive than the motorway, too, so there’s no reason why we can’t meet up regularly now.”
“You’re right. And now with Eleanor and Ffion home, I’ll have more company when you leave.”
“Exactly.” Adelaide smiled. “Don’t worry. You’ll figure it out, Eva. You always do.”
• • •
“Weren’t you supposed to go out with Thomas tonight?” I propped my head up on my hand and looked at Matthew. While we still technically slept in separate beds, we’d quickly realised that his mum and nan would smell a rat if we didn’t spend at least some nights together.
That was why I was now in his room, on his bed.
His much bigger bed.
I’d been short-changed when I’d be offered a choice of rooms.
All right, so this one was his room, but that wasn’t the point. This bed was big, it was comfortable, and there was enough room for us both to starfish.
At the same time.
I was beginning to rethink the whole separate bedroom thing if this was what was on offer.
Easier sex was just a bonus.
Not that I was interested in that tonight. Nope. The abundance of mashed potato I’d eaten at dinner with Adelaide had settled heavily in my stomach—literally.
I was so bloated I was a few spikes away from giving a pufferfish a run for its money.
“I was, but I told him we’d do it next weekend instead.” Matthew unbuttoned his shirt and peered over at me. “With Adelaide and Olympia coming and my grandmother…”