Sadness oozes from my fingertips and out of the paintbrush as I continue working on my starry night painting. The stars in the sky seem to cry on the canvas. I pause for a beat and let my shoulders roll forward. It’s exhausting putting all of my emotions into my art.
I sit staring at the way the colors dance together. I’m jolted from my trance when my phone rings. When I see Mars’s name, the haze lifts from my brain. I press the phone to my ear and try not to smile too hard.
“Hey.” I tug the neck of his hoodie over my nose and try to smell any last bits of his scent.
“Hey, Sage. Can I ask you a question?”
“Of course.” I blink.
“How fast did you throw away that latte earlier?” He laughs and, oh God, it mends my heart. Tears cling to the rims of my eyes as I laugh along with him. I don’t let them fall though because right now I’m happy. I’ve cried enough tears to fill an ocean and for just one moment, I want to laugh.
I want to be pulled into Mars’s orbit and forget the rest of the world.
“So fucking fast,” I tell him. A smile burns my cheeks and pulls my lips up.
“I knew it. Latte snob.”
“I’m not a snob,” I sniff. “I just know what I want and nothing else will do.”
A pregnant pause fills the air. I’m sure he hears the double meaning in my words. I wonder if he’ll run far, far away from me.
“There’s nothing wrong with that.” His words are soft, making me press the phone to my ear harder.
He’s not running.
We talk on the phone for an hour and things don’t feel so tense. They don’t feel normal either, but as long as we’re talking, I know they’ll get better.
The next day, I head straight to The Grind House after class lets out and grab my usual. I miss seeing Mars behind the counter, but I put on a happy face when I see Martina instead.
“Long time no see.” She pulls out a coffee cup and writes my name on it. I miss the little dragonfly Mars would draw on my cups.
“I’ve been busy,” I tell her.
“You can never be too busy for your favorite drink.” She steams the milk with a smile on her face. “Is everything okay, honey? I haven’t seen Mars lately either.” The smile fades from her face and I feel my palms tingle.
He hasn’t been to work?
“Yeah, everything is fine. No worries.” I try to smile but it’s weak.
“You tell Mars that he’s welcome back whenever he wants to come in.”
“I’ll be sure to tell him,” I say with a nod. “Thanks for the latte.” I pay her and as usual, I leave a generous tip.
When I get in the house, I hurry past Dad in the living room and up to my bedroom. I close and lock the door behind me and sit on the bed with my latte in one hand and my phone in the other.
When I tap Mars’s name, my skin buzzes. I try to quell the feeling by reminding myself he’s my fucking brother, but when I hear his voice the buzzing sensation grows.
“Hey,” he breathes like he rushed to get to the phone.
“Why haven’t you been going to work?” I blurt.
“Well, hello to you too, Sage,” he says with a chuckle.
“I’m serious.” My brows pinch together as I bring the coffee cup to my lips.
“I’m not really in the mood to go to work. Things haven’t exactly been great.” I hear the pain in his voice and it tugs at me. I set my drink down on the nightstand before kicking my shoes off and then pulling my knees up to my chest.
“Wanna talk about it?”
“Well,” he sighs heavily. “I fell for the most beautiful, perfect girl in the whole fucking world and turns out I can’t have her. Ever.” His words kick me in the chest and I try to catch my breath from the blow. It’s not like I didn’t know what he would say, but hearing it out loud never gets easier.
“That fucking sucks,” I sniffle.
“That’s the understatement of the goddamn year. I’m trying to pull myself out of this but…it’s hard.” Things grow quiet between us for a few beats then Mars says, “Did your mom ever tell you anything else about her and my dad?”
The question makes my mouth turn to sand. I pull the hair tie from my bun and let my hair fall around my shoulders in messy waves. “She told me he never knew about me. She moved to Ashton Hills and never told him.”
“That’s so fucked up.”
“Yeah. Tell me about it.” I take another sip of my drink and somehow it reminds me of Mars. He makes them just as good as Martina does. “Has your dad given you any shit about it?”