The moment his lips touched mine, I was gone.
I shake my head to rid myself of the memory, but when I do, I remember where I am. Alone. In a dark closet.
My breathing grows frantic and choppy. I can’t be here. The familiar feeling of panic and claustrophobia weaves its way through my blood and phantom pain.
He told me to stay, but I can’t. I need to leave. The memories pound in my brain. My stomach muscles tighten, and a chill runs over my body. It’s like a knife is stabbing me . . . or a bullet is lodged in my gut. My right hand brackets my left, thumb rubbing.
It’s okay. You aren’t there.
You aren’t hurt.
In the darkness, I reach for the knob, and like Tobias only a few seconds ago, I crack the door and make sure I don’t see anyone. The coast is clear. No one is around. Stepping into the hall, I take a few steps, and then I spot the door to the ladies’ room. That’s where I’ll go.
It’s not the need to use it that has me opening the door. It’s the need to calm myself. Once inside, I walk straight to the vanity and look at myself in the mirror. I swear my lips are swollen. Thoroughly kissed.
Yep, that’s me.
What the hell did I do? How can I have kissed Tobias?
Because you want him.
I shake my head, nope. Don’t think those thoughts. It happened once but can never happen again. He’s my client. But also, and more importantly, it doesn’t matter that he’s going legit. He’s a bad man. He’s the villain. He’s the person you warn your kids about. There is no happily ever after with a man like that. Nope. There is a trail of blood, and that’s all.
No matter how hard I try, I can’t calm my racing heart. I shouldn’t have done that. Regret sits heavy on my chest. Reaching my hand out, I turn the water on, rinse my hands, and then wet my lips.
As if water will rinse away my sin.
Nothing will. I can’t do it again.
Time passes as I stand in front of the mirror, hating my reflection. Finally, when my lips are back to normal, I head out. I don’t make it two steps before I see Felix’s man looking for me.
I am led to the car. The temperature has dropped. The one warm night has turned chilly. I wrap my arms around my chest, hoping to cocoon the warmth of my body. It doesn’t help.
The familiar car is parked close by. I’m walked to it, and then the security reaches his hand out and opens the door. Felix is already waiting for me, and I shiver at the thought that it’s not the cold making me shiver. It’s the end of the night and what he expects of me. He won’t get anything. And not merely because I can still feel Tobias’s lips on mine.
I scoot into the seat, careful to keep the widest distance I can between us. I notice the center divider is up between the seats. I shut the door, and as we pull away, Felix doesn’t speak. The tension in the air is so thick I can taste it, and it has my back going ramrod straight, ready for anything.
It doesn’t feel like we are moving. The car crawls forward, and every bump and every inch we take, every mile we make . . . I wait for him to strike.
My stomach is in knots. My hands rest on my thighs, balled in the excess material of my dress. I’m wound so tight emotionally, but I fear I might snap if he says something. Even worse, I’m afraid of what those words would be.
I finally break the silence.
“Everything okay?” I ask.
“It will be.” That’s not an answer. It’s cryptic. I don’t know what happened, and I don’t know what’s wrong, and if this were Tobias, I might press. But I really don’t want to talk to Felix. I turn to look out the window.
“It’s a beautiful night,” I say more to myself than to him.
“Enjoy it while it lasts.” More cryptic words. I hate cryptic words because, again, his comment makes no sense and has set me on edge.
“What does that even mean?” I ask, my voice barely a whisper.
“You’ll see soon enough. You all will see soon fucking enough.” It sounds like a threat.
Harboring a glance at him, I see that his dark eyes seem to twinkle with the moonlight. They make him look like the villain he is.
If I had more fight in me, I would ask what he means. But to be honest, he’s in such a bad mood I don’t want to know. I just want out of this car unscathed.
A few minutes later, I get what I want. The car pulls to a halt, and from the window, I can see the familiar façade of my building. As soon as the car stops, I don’t wait for anyone to open the door, and I don’t wait for him to say anything. I just mutter goodbye under my breath and step out, closing the door behind me and rushing to the door to my building. A part of me expects him to follow, but I am happily rewarded with nothing. I grab my keys from my bag as I walk by the doorman. By the time I’m up the stairs and at my apartment door, my breathing is ragged. As I swing it open and then close it behind me, I let out a large giant breath. Thank God, this night is over. I don’t even bother going to the bathroom. I don’t bother taking off my dress. Nope. I do none of those things. Instead, I fling myself on my bed and close my eyes.