Trenton never once mentioned Cerberus, and I don’t know if that’s because he wasn’t aware of their existence or because he was one of the ones silently conquering mountains to achieve that unspoken goal.
“We want you to feel safe and comfortable, so just let us know if anything doesn’t sit right with you,” Khloe says as she hands me a glass of white wine.
I take it gratefully and lift it to my lips for a tiny sip, resisting the urge to drain the glass in a bid to make the aches in my body a little numb and more manageable.
“He’s dead, and somehow I’m still terrified of him,” I whisper, my hand shaking enough that I put the glass down on the table so I don’t spill it.
“That could take a long time to go away,” Misty says, giving me the same sweet smile she always had readily available for me when I was a child.
“I wasn’t raped,” I tell them, just needing to get that out there.
“But you were still violated,” Emmalyn says as she grabs her own glass of wine and takes a seat across from me. “There isn’t a soul here or in the clubhouse that’s going to negate what happened to you as being traumatizing just because you didn’t suffer what some have.”
I give her a nod, focusing on tracing my finger up the stem of my wine glass.
“And we don’t have to talk about this now,” Khloe says, refilling my wine glass and making me realize I’ve already drank more than I wanted to. “Just know that you’re safe, and your healing is at your own pace. No one is going to push you.”
I don’t know about that. The way Trenton looked at me when I found myself begging with my eyes that he request I stay with him says differently.
“On that same note,” Misty says with a tiny sigh, like she doesn’t know how I’ll handle her next statement. “You’re an adult and free to come and go as you please, but I don’t want you to hesitate to ask someone to go with you if you need something from town or just need to get away for a while.”
“Like one of you?”
They all give me soft smiles.
“Farmington isn’t exactly a hot bed of criminal activity, but there are people who don’t like the club because they have skewed views of what we do,” Emmalyn explains. “Most of the women here have one of the members escort them when they leave the property.”
“And after what happened to Lana,” Khloe begins, but then she shakes her head, tears filling her eyes when she can’t continue.
“A car accident?” I ask, because they said nothing was off the table. “Tren—Grinch mentioned her.”
Maybe if I get used to thinking of him by his club name, I can separate this new man from the one in my past.
“She was distracted and pulled out in front of oncoming traffic,” Misty explains. “Harley, her husband, and their little girl have moved into the clubhouse for a while. That’s why you’re here with us instead of over there.”
“That’s so heartbreaking.”
“Incredibly,” Misty agrees.
“So take someone with me when I leave. I can do that.”
Just the thought of asking someone to tag along makes me want to crawl inside of myself. I guess I better get used to being on the property because I can’t see myself being an imposition to someone else because I need to get away for a little while.
“Rivet and Slick are good choices if you aren’t comfortable with any of the guys, but I can tell you, Grinch is quick to agree on mani/pedi day because he likes getting them as well.”
I stare at Emmalyn as if she’s lost her mind.
“Really,” Khloe says as if she can read my mind. “The guys give him hell for it all the time.”
I want to ask what else Grinch likes to do with the women around here, but it’s none of my damn business. I honestly hate the sick feeling I get when I think about him with other women. I don’t own the man. I gave up the chance of him being mine a long time ago.
“I guess I just need to know how much it’s going to cost to stay. I plan to call my aunt tomorrow to send my wallet.”
“Pay?” Misty asks, shaking her head. “We don’t expect any type of payment.”
“We wouldn’t accept it even if you offered it,” Emmalyn adds.
“I feel like I need to contribute. I don’t want to just live off of you.”
Emmalyn and Misty share a look.
“How are you with kids?”
My head begins to shake immediately. “I don’t know a single thing about children.”
“Are you willing to learn?” Khloe asks, leaning a little closer.
“The thought of changing a diaper makes me gag,” I say honestly.