I chuckle. “Does it make me a monster if I say it does? The thought of you in bed, all excited from what we did, thinking of me…”
“I was thinking about that,” she says, nodding. “And I was also thinking about what we said, about our future.”
“Yeah?”
“Hmm-mm.”
My manhood tightens, growing in my pants, pushing against my underwear. The noise she just made is so close to the pleasure sounds that danced in the air when I had my hand between her legs, pumping my fingers, feeling how soaked she was, how tight.
“What were you thinking, specifically?” I ask, trying to stop my voice from breaking into a primordial roar.
“About having children together,” she replies. “Firstly I was hoping this all wasn’t some crazy dream, or trick, or—”
“Or nothing,” I snarl. “It’s nothing like that at all. I want you, Billie. I want all of you. I’ll never stop wanting you. I swear.”
“Thank you,” she whispers. “I guess I just needed to hear it again.”
“What did you think about after?”
“I imagined our lives, imagined how amazing they could be.”
“Will be,” I correct.
She says nothing, and I know she’s thinking about her dad, how he could tear this to pieces before it has a chance to properly begin. I tighten my grip on the steering wheel, joining the onramp to the bridge that will take us to our date.
“Tell me, Billie,” I murmur. “Tell me what you see in our future.”
“It’s not what I see,” she replies, her voice just as low, just as full of brimming need. “It’s what I hear.”
“What do you hear?” I ask.
“Laughter.” Her voice swells with emotion. “Children’s laughter and I hear a baby crying, and I hear you running around in the yard, making monster noises as you chase one of our children around. I hear you whispering in my ear on a lazy Sunday morning, telling me you’re so glad you took the risk, so glad you kissed me backstage.”
“Glad doesn’t even come close.” Reaching over, I place my hand atop hers, savoring her warmth. “I want that life too. I never thought I would or could yearn for something like that. I never thought it was the sort of life I was capable of having.”
“Because of your parents?” she asks softly.
“I’ve never given it much thought,” I say. “I know that sounds strange. But I just accepted it as part of who I was. But when we kissed, it changed something in me. And now I can see it all clearly.”
I pause, and she waits in silence. For a minute or so, we drive across the bridge, the emerging moonlight causing the water to glisten beneath us.
“I think I was a normal kid before that happened,” I say. “I have memories of feeling love, of feeling like I belonged, of feeling full-stop happy. And after mom and dad – after sitting with them for hours – I think it, I don’t know…”
“It’s okay,” she whispers, reaching over and gently laying her hand on my knee.
“I think it shattered something in me,” I murmur. “And then I built this wall around myself. I wasn’t going to let anybody in. But the second we kissed, the second I tasted you, the second this need awoke inside of me… that wall crumbled. I can’t ever rebuild it. Or, if I did, it would be with you and our family on the inside, and the rest of the world someplace else.”
I laugh gruffly. “Or maybe I’m just an old man, babbling away.”
“You’re not old,” she says fiercely. “And you’re not babbling. Thanks for sharing that with me. I know it must’ve been hard.”
“I’m going to share everything with you,” I tell her. “For the rest of our lives.”
“The age gap doesn’t bother me, by the way,” she says. “I know the rest of the world might think we’re crazy. They’ll say it’s too much of a gap. But I like the age gap. You’re so mature, so experienced, so manly.”
“I like the age gap too. I can’t wait to be there with you, every step of the way, as you follow your dreams. I can’t wait to watch you grow into a mother and an unstoppable force in your career. And I won’t lie. It makes me so damn horny.”
Her hand tightens on my knee. I know lust is rioting through her, the same way it does in me every single moment.
“It does?” she whispers.
“Don’t sound so surprised. It’s the way you blush, looking so innocent, looking so vulnerable. I know this makes me sound like an animal, but I don’t give a damn. When it comes to you, I am an animal. I’m your predator.”
“Yes.” Her hand gets even tighter. “And I’m your prey.”
I glance at her, smirking. “You need to be careful. Otherwise, I’ll skip the date altogether.”