It’s Eloy.
Bloodied, bruised, damn near mangled, with a pile of rocks sitting around him. He’s not alive; he can’t be. Vaughn did the one thing I couldn’t do. He saved his brother from a life of anguish, misuse, and deviance.
By stoning him to death.
Placing him in the chair afterwards was symbolic. It was his way of saying that the bond between Pater and I isn’t real, that I could have saved all of us had I only managed to muster up the courage he was forced to have.
Did he tell his brother he loved him before he killed him? Did he tell his brother that even though this isn’t how life is supposed to be, I tried my best and loved him too? Did he tell his brother that, no matter how long it takes, we’ll rid the world of Pater and his evil ways? Did he tell his brother that he’ll never have to see either of us again in the afterlife?
Did his brother believe him if he did?
Vaughn was the only one he could trust, and since I don’t see any evidence that he was bound to the carved chair, I know he willingly gave up his life so that Vaughn wouldn’t suffer if Pater found him alive.
He sacrificed himself to save his brother and give Pater one less person to deal with. He saved himself by welcoming death, and I stand here a coward, unwilling to go down as easily because I’m wracked with thoughts of vengeance.
But the first Task is done to completion, as Pater would have seen it, and as I turn to walk away from Eloy’s lifeless corpse, I feel rage in the empty spot of my heart that once held unconditional love for him.
My son is dead for the second time, because I wasn’t strong enough to put an end to the monster that holds us here.
Chapter Sixteen
"Damn.”
Pater has finally made it into the clearing and is shaking his head in what looks like appreciation.
“Rocks, huh?” he asks, crouching down in front of Eloy’s torn body. “I wonder which one of them chose that. Must have hurt like hell.”
“Eloy,” I say softly, a single tear slowly trickling down my cheek. “He always liked looking at nature. It’s only fitting that he chose it as his end.”
“Guess I really should’ve got to know him. I always feel so damn bad when you tell me things about these kids that I didn’t know,” he says, reaching up and pushing his face back. I can see the cuts and scrapes on Eloy’s face now. His eyes are still open, but vacant. They’re looking into a void that neither of us can see, one we should have gone to in his place.
“What’s your next Task?” I ask Pater. He glances up at me curiously as he lets the boy’s chin fall back onto his chest and stands back up. I wait patiently as he crosses his arms over his chest and looks up at the trees.
“They weren’t really tasks, Joce. They were tests of your loyalty to me, and as much as I hate to say it, you failed, baby girl.”
“So kill me, and fucking get it over with,” I shout in desperation, shoving him as hard as I can.
Pater rolls his eyes and reaches for my arms as I try to shove him again, forcing them to fold over my chest.
“If I kill you, we can’t have forever. I promised you forever, and I plan on keeping that promise,” he says in a soft voice.
“You promised Mama forever. And the one before her the same thing, and the one before her. What makes me so fucking special that you have to keep doing this to me? Haven’t you destroyed me enough?” I scream at him as I try to rip my arms away from his vice grip.
Pater gives me one firm shake to stop my hysterics, before wrapping his arms tightly around me and holding me close to him. He looks deeply into my eyes, almost soulfully, and I can tell that whatever words he chooses to speak next are of some meaning to him. Whether I’ll find any meaning in them is of no consequence. Anything I could have ever felt for this monster is as dead as the boy listening to us with hollow ears.
“If you want me to answer you honestly, I’m gonna need you to calm the fuck down and listen,” he says sternly. “If you insist on flailing around like a fucking lunatic, I’ll just tell you what you want to hear and make you believe it. It’s up to you.”
With that, he releases me and steps back, crossing his arms over his chest and waiting for me to make my choice. Pater is a patient monster, and he’s used to always getting his way. This time will be no different, I decide, as I push my hair back from my face and nod in agreement.
Pater clears his throat and runs a hand over his chin. There seems to be more gray hair than black now, and his eyes look so tired that I almost feel bad for him. He’s been through a lot, not as much as the three...two of us have, but he seems to be feeling the weight of his decisions finally starting to press down against whatever humanity he tries to hide deep inside of him.
“Alright. Yes, there were others before your mother, but she was the first one that actually gave me kids. The others before her tried, but could never conceive. Either that, or they aborted and never told me - I don’t know. Since you were my first born, you held so much more meaning to me than anything else in the world. You’re a symbol that I actually did something right for once in my life, and I tried not to fuck things up, Jocelyn; you have to believe that. I tried.” He takes a deep breath for a moment and closes his eyes tightly before opening them again and looking back into mine. “Did I mean for all of this to happen? Yeah; I honestly did, but not like this. I wanted those boys to stay alive even though I didn’t have any fucking use for them, because I could see that they made you happy. And once I realized that you could make me happy in every way a man could feel, I got rid of your mother. She would have just gotten in the way and tried to stop us from being together. Don’t you wanna be with me, Joce? After everything we’ve been through?”
The tone of his voice is bordering on pleading, but he doesn’t change his demeanor to match, and it leaves me confused.
Would I have ever thought this way of living was okay? At one point, I didn’t know any better. I thought this was how a father loved his children, because when he plucked my innocence from a garden I’ve long since burned to the ground, I did love him. In every way he wanted me to, I loved him.
The older I became and the more he pushed Vaughn and Eloy away, the endless nights spent in the oubliette, and the constant having to stay awake to keep the boys safe wore down every thread I was hanging onto that made me believe, once upon a time, that Pater was worthy of my love.