I suck in a shaky breath as my hands do the same. I allow myself to be swallowed by the memory from time to time, and I play out what happened between us because it’s one of the few things that makes me feel alive anymore.
My body is shaking as I begin to gently circle the tip of my finger around my bud over my underwear and arch my back slightly off the bed. I remember the way his fingers moved, and I move mine the same way, bringing a pool of desire against my cotton panties.
Even though his fingers touched my skin, even though they moved with purpose and skill, I’ve never been able to find the will to touch myself the way he did, so I always leave my panties on.
The feeling, however, is tantamount to what I felt when he circled his finger faster and faster, kissing my bare neck and whispering what he wanted to do to me. How he wanted to taste me completely and lick away the juices before shoving his dick into me.
My breath is coming in heaving gasps now as I continue to rub myself. I want nothing more than to experience the hands of a man on my body again, but until that moment happens, my own will have to do.
I squeeze one of my breasts tightly in my hands as the heat of my finger starts to bring forth the euphoric release I’ve been searching for.
My mound is engorged, and the heat of my core is becoming almost too much to bear. Just when I think I can’t take anymore, my body becomes rigid and I can feel the orgasm take control over me. I bite my lip as hard as I can as to not cry out or make any noise.
And when it’s over, when it’s finally done, and I open my eyes again to look at my rosary and beg for a silent forgiveness, I see the figure hiding behind the cracked doo
rway.
Luke apparently watched the entire thing.
After I’ve cleaned myself up, I turn the light off in the bathroom and linger in the doorway for a moment. I’m not entirely sure if this is something he’s willing to talk about, but I know it has to be done. I’m not too worried about what his reaction will be honestly, I’m more embarrassed than anything else.
I take a deep breath and decide to just talk to him. I don’t know what to say, but I’m sure the words will come when I need them too.
Walking down the hallway, I stop when I reach his door and gently knock.
“Honey?” I call out. “Can I come in?”
I hear some rustling inside, he tells me to give him a minute, before he finally opens the door and peers down at me curiously.
“What’s up?”
“Can I talk to you for a sec?” I ask, wringing my hands. Luke sighs and crosses his arms over his chest. He’s eyeing me critically because he knows what I want to talk about, but finally he grunts, nods, and steps aside.
I walk into the dimly lit room and sit on the corner of his bed while he lingers by the door. He’s looking for an easy way out in case this becomes too uncomfortable of a conversation for him to have, and I don’t blame him. I think I would have died if I had caught my mother fingering herself.
“Are you okay?” I ask him softly.
“Peachy. Is that it?” he responds.
“You know it’s not,” I reply with a little force behind my tone. “I want to make sure that you’re okay with what you saw. I mean, not okay with it, but that you’re okay. Up here,” I say, tapping the side of my head.
“Mom, it’s not like I haven’t watched porn before. I jerk off every now and then too, I just don’t dress up and make a show out of it,” he replies with a heavy sigh.
Interestingly enough, I think this talk is making me much more uncomfortable than it is him.
“Well, okay,” I say getting to my feet. “I just wanted to see how you were doing and I’m sorry you had to see that.”
He shrugs and tilts his head to the side. “It didn’t bother me. Is that weird?”
I raise an eyebrow as I stop in front of him. “A little bit, yeah.”
“Guess I’m just different then.”
“I’ll see you in the morning. Good night, sweetheart,” I say leaning over to kiss him on the cheek, but he pulls his face away from me and turns his gaze toward the carpet.
“Have a good one, Taylee.”
I slept like shit last night. I think what bothered me the most was that Luke called me by my name when I left his room instead of by my title and that’s something I’ll have to correct when he joins me this morning in the kitchen.