Nothing about leaving Joe and Vittorio felt right.
But what else could she do?
What else should she have done?
She should have talked to Vitt. She should have trusted him, because somewhere inside of her she knew he could handle the very real things she was afraid of. Look at his father. Look at what he’d gone through in his own life. He wasn’t a man who crumbled in the face of adversity. He was a man who met it head on. Fierce. Tough. Unflinching.
Instead she’d tried to handle everything on her own, the way she had for the past fourteen years.
But her way didn’t work. Her way meant she was lonely. Her way meant leaving everyone she loved behind.
There had to be a better way. Because this way was hell. It was madness.
It was breaking her heart.
She’d had enough of heartbreak and madness. She’d suffered through far too much pain.
If only she could reach Vitt. If only she could call him before it was too late. He might be angry but she thought perhaps he’d understand. Perhaps he’d realize she was trying to do the right thing, trying to be strong, trying to be independent, which in this case, seemed to be absolutely wrong.
If only she knew how to trust better. If only she could trust him.
And then it hit her. She did.
Jillian raced to find a bank of phones, but there weren’t many in the airport, not with so many people carrying their own phones now. Finally she found a cluster of phones, but as she picked up the receiver she realized she didn’t even know Vittorio’s number, nor did she have a number for his family.
What about his office in Catania? Surely that would be listed. She called information and gave him the d’Severano name, asking if they had any businesses by that listing. They did not. And then she ran out of ideas, because she didn’t know the name of his company.
Just as she hadn’t taken the time to really know Vitt.
There was so much she’d do differently given the chance. So much she wanted to know, so many things she wanted to do with him.
Travel, explore, talk, make love.
Have more kids.
An announcement sounded through the terminal that Continental Airlines was now boarding their afternoon flight to Houston.
Heart in her mouth, she watched the other passengers line up at the gate. She watched all two hundred passengers board, but her legs wouldn’t move. She couldn’t line up. Couldn’t do it.
The gate personnel were finished boarding but they didn’t close the door. Instead the gate agent paged her. “Jillian Smith, this is your final call. Jillian Smith, your final call for Continental Airlines Flight 52.”
Jillian glanced down at the boarding pass crumpled in her damp hand, and then at the gate agent, and realized that even though her initial reaction was to leave her family to protect them, she knew it was the wrong one.
Family didn’t leave family.
Family didn’t betray family.
Family protected family.
And Jillian needed hers.
It struck her that she didn’t have to run anymore. She didn’t have to be afraid. She had Vittorio. He was smart. He was strong. And he could be trusted.
Eyes burning, throat aching, she picked up her small carry-on bag and turned her back on fear, and walked through the terminal, past security, out the airport terminal to the curb.
It was twilight and the sky was lavender and gray. Jillian stood on the curb trying to figure out how she’d get back to Catania and what she’d say to Vitt once she got there when a deep voice spoke behind her.
“Thinking of going somewhere?”