She nodded, seeming disappointed. “Okay.”
Her reaction made me feel conflicted. I’d thought this was what she wanted. Fuck, if she begged me to stay I would, even if it was against my best judgment.
Leaving is the right decision. Things had escalated very fast tonight, and I felt a responsibility to protect her from…well, me. If I couldn’t guarantee I could be more to her than a sexual fling, I needed to act like the fuckboy I was and leave, not make any promises. Plus, with no more condoms, it would be painfully difficult not to try to fuck her again if I’d stayed. I needed to be better prepared next time. And God, I hoped there was a next time.
I reluctantly rolled off the bed and went in search of my pants. I spun around fast to see if she was checking me out. She was.
“What are you looking at, Dumont?”
Caught red-handed, she looked away suddenly.
Have I mentioned I really don’t want to leave right now?
The cold floor at my feet was most unwelcome. Almost as unwelcome a feeling as this fucked-up desire to cuddle.
Stop being a pussy, Troy.
I walked back over to her and sat at the end of the bed, leaning in to kiss her forehead. I’d planned to leave her in bed, but she suddenly stood up, giving me a glorious view of her stark-naked body.
“You don’t need to get up,” I told her.
“Well, I need to lock the door behind you.”
“Ah. Duh. Right.”
Her boobs swung freely as she walked over to the closet and grabbed a short, silk robe, which she wrapped around her body.
We walked together to her door and with each step forward, I wanted to leave less and less.
As we faced each other, she stumbled over her words. “Well, thank you. That was…”
I finished her sentence. “It was fucking amazing.” I wrapped my hand around her cheek. “Remember, we don’t need to speak of this tomorrow—unless you want to. But, you know, either way, we should really do it again soon.”
She smiled. “I’d like that.”
Adrenaline pumped through me at that prospect.
“’Night, beautiful.”
“’Night, Troy.”
On the way out, I nearly walked into the shrubs outside her house. My head was still in a sex-induced haze. After getting into my car, I leaned back on the seat, feeling like I couldn’t move, like the wind had been knocked out of me. Then I realized she was still waiting at the door, so I needed to move before she thought something was wrong with me, sitting here staring into space.
But there was something wrong, wasn’t there? I was supposed to have fucked her and left, but it somehow felt like a piece of me was still inside that house. This was not how it normally felt for me after sex. In fact, this wasn’t like anything I’d ever felt before, and I needed to get myself in check fast.
• • •
Once I got home, getting myself in check consisted of an intense jerk-off session in the shower as I pretended my hand was Aspyn’s pussy and relived every taste, smell, and sensation from tonight. After I came, I leaned forward against the shower wall, letting the water rain down on me as I willed myself to get a grip.
I then got out and dried myself off, but the shower had done nothing to relax me.
As I lay in bed with Patrick at my feet, I was wired.
Deciding to just get up, I ventured into the kitchen. It was 3 AM—practically morning anyway. I poured myself some of the stale coffee from the previous morning and looked out the window at the trees in the darkness.
A few seconds later, Patrick wandered in to join me.
I lifted my mug to the cat. “You can’t sleep either?”
He meowed, probably yelling at me for ruining the cozy situation he’d had in bed. Then he circled around my legs and purred. He was very forgiving.
I bent to scratch between his ears. “You know, you’ve got the right idea. Never leave the house. If I’d just stayed in this freaking house, tonight wouldn’t have happened. I wouldn’t be pussy-whipped—no offense—right now for a girl who wants nothing to do with me because she knows what’s right for her. Well, there’s one thing she wants to do with me—and believe me, I delivered.”
I stood up. “I’m gonna tell you a secret, Pat. You know how you like to snuggle with me? That’s what I wanted to do with Aspyn tonight. Isn’t that crazy? That’s not the way it’s supposed to be, you know? That’s not what I do. I’m not a snuggler like you. I’ve never wanted to snuggle with a woman. But I did with Aspyn.” I sighed. “What does that mean? What’s next, rubbing my asshole on her feet?”
He closed his eyes as I massaged his head.