Christ, the minute he walked out that door, I wanted to drink. My mouth literally filled with saliva at the thought of slamming a few shots of vodka. I hate that he did that to me. I loathe it even more that I let him become a weak moment.
Even when you are having a moment of weakness, you can never forget that you still have strength.
I told him that last night before he walked out. I had to keep repeating that mantra to myself so I wouldn’t go to the liquor store and drown my sorrows. I haven’t wanted to drink like that since Brooks died, and last night it felt a bit like Stone was permanently lost to me too.
What I did do instead was oogle the closest AA meeting, get my coat, and walk right back out the door. There wasn’t one at the local church hall, but I found one about twenty minutes away. And it did its job because by the time I left, I felt more in control.
I didn’t have the greatest sleep last night, although cuddling Odin certainly helped. But when I woke this morning, I knew I had to do something to take my mind off things. Thus, I am here getting lost in Tonya’s case. I’m happy to report that my desperate need to drown my sorrows in alcohol is gone, the AA meeting having strengthened my resolve.
This morning all I needed to do was look in the mirror and remind myself that my determination to stay sober is greater than any pain someone could inflict upon me.
It’s working, for now.
Am I still devastated over what happened last night?
I am.
Do I think things are hopeless?
I don’t.
In the bright light of day, I remember one very important thing.
Stone is a strong man. He’s overcome so much, and I refuse to believe that he’s going to let this moment of doubt ruin things between us. My game plan is to lie low and hope he comes to his senses.
And if he doesn’t… I’ll deal with the pain and disappointment later.
For now, I have Tonya Hillman’s case to keep me busy.
I dive deep into legal research online, thanks to a company called LexisNexis who has digitized all the research books an attorney could ever want or need. I was never the strongest researcher, and half the time I would hand it off to a law clerk, but that was back when I worked in a big fancy firm and had law clerks to do my research.
Now I have to do it myself, and it’s not my favorite part of the job.
My phone rings and I consider ignoring it, but I recognize the ringtone as my neighbor Natalie. She’s my unit two neighbor, and her wife Liz is pregnant and very close to her due date, so I wonder right away if that’s why she’s calling.
“What’s up, Natalie? Is it time?” I ask as soon as the line connects.
Natalie sighs with heavy frustration. “Not time. We got sidetracked by some Braxton Hicks contractions last night, but so far, the little nugget doesn’t want to come out.”
“Then may I suggest you two go for a very long walk today? I know it’s cold this morning, but you can bundle up.”
The temperatures dropped to freezing last night in a weird cold front that came through western Pennsylvania. It’s supposed to warm up this afternoon, though, into the sixties.
“We’ll definitely do that, but that’s not why I’m calling. I wanted to let you know that I just came in from the grocery store, and there was a man and woman waiting outside of our building. They said they were Stone’s parents here to visit him, and he wasn’t answering the intercom. I let them in, and they’re waiting outside his door. He doesn’t seem to be home.”
I don’t think to question Natalie to see if she’s positive it’s his parents. There’s no way a random couple would come to this building that’s not even in Stone’s or Brooks’s names since the property is owned by a dummy corporation to protect their identities. I have no doubt that it’s Stone’s parents.
I don’t berate her for letting them in. I know she did it just to get them out of the cold.
“I went and knocked on Stone’s door, but he’s not answering, so I’m assuming he’s out somewhere.”
“He might have gone to the arena already,” I muse since he has a game tonight. “It’s earlier than he normally goes, but that would be my guess. I’ll text him and let him know, and I’ll head over and talk to them.”
I thank Natalie for calling me, and when I hang up, I tap my phone against my chin for a moment.
I have no clue why his parents are here. The text that Stone sent his dad a few days ago was an absolute cutoff in their relationship. Stone even blocked his father’s number so he couldn’t call.