I frown in confusion. “Why’s that?”
“To help affirm that you are here to stay. You have a right to be here, not because your brother died, but because you’re talented. This is your city now, and you’re going to be a hero to these people.”
A bark of laughter escapes because that last bit is ludicrous, but I get what he’s saying. I’ve been holding people at arm’s length, not wanting to talk about my pain stemming from Brooks’s death. Not wanting to form relationships, because in my experience, relationships are never built to last. I couldn’t even make one work with my father or brother, so what does that say about trusting people enough to let them into my inner world?
“Maybe I’ll join a knitting circle,” I quip, sliding the last plate onto the bar.
“I’d maybe do some exploring of the city, consider buying a place to put down roots, get to know your neighbors.”
I can’t help my strangled laugh, and Gage looks at me funny.
“Sorry… it’s just… I have a place. Brooks left me his condo, and I’ve met my neighbors. One in particular who I probably scared off from ever wanting to talk to me again.”
Gage grins and leans back against the rack, crossing his arms over his chest. “This sounds interesting.”
Shaking my head, I smirk. “Not sure interesting is the right word. But it is something.”
I tell Gage everything about Harlow. Not sure why I spill it, but perhaps she’s more confounding than all the shit with my dad and brother, and well… he seems interested. More than anything, I’m feeling the need to make things right with her, and I don’t know how to go about doing it.
I tell him about getting her letter, our first meeting where I thought her dog would attack me, finding out she lives next door, and that she was incredibly close to my brother.
“She knew him better than I did,” I explain.
I don’t tell him about going with her to AA, just as I don’t tell him about Brooks being an alcoholic or gay. But I do tell him I kissed her, and she wasn’t happy about it, and fuck… this is embarrassing. Now I’m regretting being so vocal.
Gage looks at me with his mouth slightly agape. “You don’t have any game, do you?”
“I wasn’t trying to romance her,” I snap, irritated that he’s amused.
“Then what were you trying to do, Don Juan?”
I roll my eyes. “I don’t know what the hell I was doing. I was acting on instinct.”
“Bad instinct.” Gage snickers and then holds his palms up in apology as he takes in what I’m betting is a murderous expression on my face. “Okay, joking aside… what’s the real deal with her? Do you like her?”
My voice is as dry as a sunbaked desert. “I’m not going to ask her to go steady, if that’s what you mean.”
“You know what I mean, smart-ass. Is there a spark between you? You said she kissed you back for a moment.”
“Yeah, but… then she stopped it.”
“Okay,” Gage says, as if he’s got a plan in mind. “First, you need to let go of your pride and ego for a minute and focus on the fact that she actually kissed you back. That means she’s attracted to you. No matter how it ended, for a moment, you were both on the same page. You flipped the page and she didn’t, so now you have to figure out how to go back and do a reread.”
My brows knit together. “Are you talking about kissing or going to the library?”
Gage laughs and moves around the rack, taking his place behind the bar so it’s chest level. He rests his forearms there. “You know what I’m talking about. There’s interest, going both ways. The question is, what are you going to do about it?”
That’s a good question. I’m not big on relationships. I’m not morally opposed to them, but it’s hard to have one when your career involves so much travel. I’ve never really connected with a woman who would be worth the effort.
And admittedly, the last few years, I haven’t wanted to open myself up to anyone. Parental abandonment issues fuck with your sense of trust.
But Harlow is different from any woman I’ve met in the near or distant past. I like her. She also had a relationship with Brooks, so I know inherently she’s trustworthy.
Or at least Brooks felt like she was, and I trust my brother’s judgment.
Well, I mostly trust it. The fact he started buying into our father’s lies makes him a little squirrely, but Harlow seems genuine.
Still, his journals were filled with not just his opinions about her but stories as well. Everything I took from them said she was kind, funny in a smart-ass way, and a free spirit. She loved deeply and was loyal. She and Brooks went on adventures together, even sometimes vacations. She went as his wingman to gay bars, and they watched sappy movies together.