I stopped in front of Alec’s door. Soft music played behind it.
I raised my hand to knock, the white of the door blurring before my eyes. Did the real Kate knock or would she just barge in? I’d never paid much attention to the way she acted around Alec because the sight of them together made me feel sick.
It wasn’t fair; she didn’t even accept him the way he was. She didn’t like the same movies, didn’t like the way he dressed, didn’t understand how it was to grow up without loving parents the way Alec and I did.
The door swung open and Alec stood in the open space, surprise spreading across his face. I took a step back, almost falling over my too-long legs. “I thought I heard someone out here.”
I stared at him, unable to move, though every fiber in my body screamed at me to run.
“Isn’t it time for your swim?”
“Swim?”
Alec’s brows furrowed. “Are you all right?”
I nodded. “Yes, sorry. I’m just a bit out of it today.”
His eyes made me nervous. Could he see right through me?
But he took a step back so I could enter.
My legs shook as I walked past him into his room. I’d never been in here before, not for lack of trying, though. Alec had always insisted we meet in the common area. Because he was an agent and not just a recruit, he didn’t have a roommate. There was nobody to interrupt us. The bed came into my view and heat flooded my body, considering the possibilities.
“Kate?” Alec’s hand on my shoulder made me jump. He turned me around to face him and my eyes were immediately drawn to his lips, and the way his hair was mussed like he’d run his hand through it. Not to mention that his shirt clung to his sixpack in the most distracting way.
“I . . . I,” I trailed off, not sure what to say. I needed to get out of here. This didn’t feel right. I didn’t want to be the person who made Alec a cheater. If I died without ever being kissed by Alec, then so be it. But was he even cheating if he didn’t know I wasn’t Kate?
“Are you still angry with me?”
Angry? Did they have a fight?
I hesitated for a beat longer than I should have. His expression turned puzzled.
I was giving myself away. If I acted this confused as Madison, I’d ruin the mission. If I couldn’t even pretend to be Kate—who I knew—how was I supposed to impersonate a girl I’d never actually met?
“Are you sure you’re all right? You seem strange.”
I took a step back, the urge to flee stronger than ever, and a shudder went through me. Panicked, I tried to suppress the sensation but the rippling only grew stronger.
Alec froze, his eyes growing wide. “Tess?” His shockHorror morphed into anger. “What the hell are you doing here?”
My hand rose to my hair and I snatched up a strand to inspect it. Auburn. I was so dead. Major would strangle me—if Alec didn’t do it first. He drew back as if my closeness burned him. I’d never seen him so furious.
“Tessa, answer me!”
“I . . . I can explain.”
Could I?
He folded his arms. “I can’t wait to hear it.”
Cringing under the vehemence of his gaze, I opened my mouth, hoping the right words would find their way out. Explanation—I needed an explanation.
Just tell him the truth.
“It—” I scanned the room, taking in the white walls and clean surfaces, bar of decorations or personal items, except for the figurine of Freddy Krueger on the desk that I’d given him last Christmas because we loved to watch Nightmare on Elm Street together. Tell him you’re in love with him. I could feel the words rise into my mouth, but then my eyes landed on the framed photo of him and Kate on the nightstand. It was the only other personal touch in the room and the dose or reality I desperately needed.
I needed to stop hoping for something that would never happen. “It—it was for practice,” I blurted.
“Practice?”
Major would have roared, but Alec’s voice had become very quiet. If it wasn’t for the look in his eyes, I might have thought he was calm. But they were full of emotions I was too scared to understand. Alec had been my rock since my arrival in the agency. I didn’t want him to be angry with me. With anyone else, I could bear it but not with Alec.
I gripped the edge of the desk. It felt solid, unwavering—everything I was not. “Yes. I thought it would be a good test run to pretend to be someone else before I impersonate Madison.”
Doubt flickered across his face. His stance loosened. “That’s all?”
I nodded and glanced at the Freddy Kruger figurine on the desk. This had to mean something, but maybe not what my stupid heart wanted.