Mikey reached across the counter to refill my wineglass. “I remember it, too. You called me that night to ask if I thought he should fly out there, too, even though you was supposed to be reporting back to Houston for team commitments.”
I took a sip of wine and let the cool, sweet flavor sit on my tongue for a beat before swallowing it. “I remember waking up and seeing Parker there. He was holding my hand. Looked like shit.”
This was too much. I didn’t want to relive the injuries I’d sustained and the long recovery I’d had to endure afterward. And I didn’t need more evidence of how much Parker loved me because I already knew. I knew I was the most important person in his life—even more important than Erin.
I’d always known he wasn’t head over heels in love with her, and I’d had the sense he didn’t tell her nearly as much as he told me, but I’d still thought… I’d still expected things would change once they were married. It was why I’d planned on coming here and wallowing this week.
I glanced up at my friends, the one who’d been with me for years and the ones who’d become close more recently. They were good men, the best. “Not to sound cheesy, but there’s a difference between loving someone and being in love with them. Parker sees me as his safety net. I worry he’s grasping at me right now out of fear. Losing Erin would make him feel like he might lose Rod and Lorraine. If there’s one thing Parker craves, it’s stability and family. He’s probably terrified, and he’s clinging to me out of fear, not love.”
I could tell Tiller was really thinking about what I’d said. He pursed his lips in hesitation before speaking. “I don’t think that’s what this is.”
“I know him better than you, Tiller,” I said, suddenly feeling exhausted. “He sees me as his family. He was hurt by Erin’s rejection, and he’s seeking comfort from his family.”
I felt the intense stares from all the guys in the room, but it was Sam who said what they were all obviously thinking. “Comfort. Right. So you’re saying the two of you were hugging and talking about your feelings when the ejaculate just sort of… happened?”
He was twisting my words around. “We’re friends! How can you go from close friends to sex partners?”
Tiller and Mikey exchanged a look before Mikey said, “Pretty easily, actually.”
“No, that’s different. You two were at least both gay to begin with,” I countered. “Maybe I just need to reassure him I’m not going anywhere. Maybe then he’ll stop panicking and doing… weird things.”
Truman looked confused. “I thought you said you kissed him? Who initiated the sexual stuff?”
I winced and looked down into my wineglass. Why had I thought kissing him would be a good idea?
In the middle of my awkward guilt moment, the telltale brrup sound of a Grindr notification rang out. I snapped my head up to look at Mikey, who was busy fumbling for his phone.
Tiller tapped his chin. “I may have a bad memory, but isn’t that…”
Mikey flashed him a guilty grimace. “It’s not what you think!”
Tiller huffed out a laugh. “Oh, I think it’s exactly what I think. Michael Kincaid Vining, what the fuck did you do?”
Mikey’s eyes snuck to me before landing back on Tiller. “Nothing.” He tapped at his phone before sliding it back in his pocket.
“He’s been sending Grindr hookups to the cabin,” I said. “Which has made things even more awkward with Parker, so thanks for that, friend.”
Tiller sighed. Sam laughed, and Truman tried to hide a grin. Mikey began apologizing. “I actually arranged those before I knew Parker was staying with you. Remember how you thought you were going to be wallowing this week?”
“I can manage my own dick, Mikey,” I said.
Sam made an mmpfh noise, calling bullshit on my lie. I ignored him.
“Besides,” I continued, “Parker is staying with me, so please stop.”
“That’s just it,” he exclaimed. “I tried! But for some reason, I can’t get into the app. It keeps sending me notifications, but it won’t let me access my messages or cancel the account.”
I reached for the tray of appetizers and popped several more in my mouth. At least I was in Mikey’s kitchen, where eating my feelings was especially decadent.
After swallowing another sip of wine, I rested my head on the counter. I needed to go home and talk to Parker.
And I would.
Just not yet.
11
PARKER
I couldn’t get to sleep, mostly because it was midafternoon but also because my dick got hard every time I replayed the encounter with Julian in the living room.
And I couldn’t stop replaying it.
Watching Julian respond to my touch, my kiss, my staggered breaths had been hotter than anything I’d ever experienced. What was it about hooking up with him that had made it so much more exciting? Was it that I’d never done any of this with a man before? Or the adrenaline spike of fear from changing the dynamic with my best friend? Or was it simply because he was the most attractive and enticing human I knew?