I felt my face heat despite the cold air outside. “He needed to know,” I said stubbornly. “How could they possibly make a relationship work if—”
Mikey threw up his hands. “A relationship? Who said anything about a relationship? Jesus, Parker. Let the man get laid for once.”
“I don’t care if Jules gets laid.”
“I think you do. I think you’re jealous, and that’s why you do the things you do.”
“Jealous?” Wow. Yeah, I had definitely pegged Mikey wrong. “I’m concerned. I love him. I want to protect him. He’s the most important person in my life, and he only deserves the very best. I don’t want him to end up falling for someone who’ll use him, or hurt him, or not give him what he needs.”
“And has it occurred to you that that person might be you?”
“Huh?”
Mikey stepped forward and squeezed my arm. “Parker… you’re giving Julian mixed messages.” His voice was gentle, but his words were harsh.
“I don’t understand what you mean.”
He sighed and dropped his hand. “Never mind. Maybe you’re not ready to hear it.”
“No. Tell me what you mean because I know you don’t mean what I think you mean. Julian isn’t attracted to me like that.”
He met my eyes. “You sure?”
“He’s not.”
He lifted an eyebrow. “Are you sure?” he asked more slowly.
I clamped my mouth shut and thought it through, grasping at any evidence to prove my point. “I wanted to share his bed last night like we always do, and he wanted me to sleep on the sofa. I mean, before I snuck in later.”
Mikey’s mouth opened in disbelief. “You’re a fucking idiot,” he said before moving away from me back toward the door to the restaurant.
I hurried after him. “Wait. Do you really think I’ve been sending him mixed signals? If so, I didn’t mean to. We’ve been best friends forever.”
Mikey spun around on his heel. “You touch him all the fucking time. Your face lights up when you see him. You spend half the time trying to make him laugh and the other half hanging on everything he says.”
“Of course I do. He’s my favorite person. We’re best friends.”
“I thought Erin was your favorite person?”
His question stopped me in my tracks. Why the hell would Erin be more important to me than Julian? How could he possibly think that?
“No,” I said with a little laugh. “Not even close.”
The words slithered around in the cold air between us, bringing some enlightenment to those of us who’d been utterly oblivious up till now.
“Oh,” I said stupidly.
Mikey suddenly lurched at me and hugged me tight. His smaller body was lithe but strong as hell. “It’s too bad you can’t date him, isn’t it?” he asked, pulling back and meeting my eyes. “Imagine how incredible that would be?”
For some reason, his words made my throat heavy as my eyes blinked away the dry night air. I didn’t say anything, but it didn’t matter. He’d already escaped back into the restaurant.
I stood there for a minute to calm my breathing. What exactly had just happened? We’d started the conversation with Mikey’s implication Jules had feelings for me, but we’d ended it with the implication I was the one with the feelings.
When I finally made my way back into the warmth of the restaurant, I felt oddly removed from everyone else. The ladies at the bar tried to get my attention, but I only shot them the barest of smiles. Tiller asked me if I was okay, and I waved away his concern with a stupid joke.
But I couldn’t stop thinking about what Mikey had said. It wasn’t the first time I’d thought about Julian and me. In fact, years ago I’d wanted nothing more than to try a relationship with Julian, but kissing Tiller had felt about as hot as kissing my own hand.
But then again…
I thought about the way I’d looked at Julian the night before. His stubbled jaw, his Adam’s apple, his firm lips—
“Tiller!” I jumped to my feet. “Tiller, can I talk to you outside, please?”
Julian grabbed my hand and tugged me down so he could whisper in my ear, “Are we good?” His warm breath smelled like beer, and his skin smelled faintly like some kind of sexy cologne.
I wanted to let out a maniacal laugh. That was the question, wasn’t it? I had no fucking clue if we were good or not. I felt like my life was a house of cards and someone had suddenly brought in a megaton turbine to blow it all to shit.
“Course we are,” I said in a too-high voice. “Tiller? You coming?”
This time, I was smart enough to grab my coat. As soon as I got Tiller outside, I grabbed his arm and yanked him closer. “Kiss me!”
He reared back comically fast. “What? Did Mikey put you up to this? I’m going to kill him.”