Julian’s warm hand came down to rest between my neck and my shoulder. He rubbed a strong thumb into the tight muscle there and worked through the worst of the tension spots. I tried not to groan in relief.
“I’m sorry,” he said softly. “It sucks. I still can’t believe she left. I could throttle her.”
I stood up and moved to the sofa before dropping down on it and kicking my shoes off so I could put my feet up on the coffee table. “I’m telling you, she did the right thing, Jules. As much as it hurts, I want her to be happy.” I wanted me to be happy, too.
Julian came over and sat on the other end of the sofa to face me, putting his arm along the back of the plump cushions. Now that I was calmer, I recognized his taste in the room along with a few of his personal effects. He had a way of decorating a place to make it both put together like a professional designer would but also make it homey and comfortable.
I pulled the soft blanket off the back of the sofa and tossed one end over his lap while pulling the other end over mine. He flicked it off his lap in annoyance.
“How can you say that? How can you tell me on the day you were prepared to promise your whole fucking life to her that you’ve changed your mind that easily?”
Julian’s emotions were a volatile mix of anger and confusion, and I couldn’t blame him. But I also didn’t know how to explain to him that I’d never really felt that fairy-tale spark of romantic love with Erin that everyone said I should. That was her point.
“Can we not talk about this right now?” I suggested. “Not exactly in the mood for your lectures about doing right by her when she was the one who walked out on me.”
His face fell. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I just…”
“I know.”
“I’m sorry,” he said again.
I reached out and poked one of the fingers he had resting on the back of the sofa. “I know,” I said again. I took a breath and tried smiling at him. “Please tell me you have some Little Dragon Chicken and Broccoli in that kitchen.”
He rolled his eyes. “I wish. But there’s stuff to make stir-fry if that’s what you’re in the mood for.”
I couldn’t imagine eating just yet, but I knew I needed to force myself to eat if I wanted to drink any more tonight. And I definitely wanted to drink some more tonight. “Yeah. Let’s do that. I can show off my knife skills and do a little show for you.”
He pushed off the sofa. “Not sure handing you a chef’s knife is a good idea right now, Parks.”
“Nonsense. I’ve had some whiskey and Valium. It’ll be fine.”
Julian chuckled as we made our way into the kitchen. The sound of it did more to relax me than the mini massage he’d given me or any of the chemicals I’d consumed. Maybe I wouldn’t need to get drunk tonight. Maybe I just needed to spend some more time in my best friend’s company without having to worry about what I said or did.
He’d always been my confidant, my good-luck charm, and my port in a storm. I was grateful he’d let me crash his vacation even though we both knew I’d probably be miserable company the whole time.
Once we’d gotten the rice started and settled into prepping the stir-fry, I asked him, “What was your plan here this week? Just ski?”
He shrugged. “Mostly.”
There was something odd about the tone of his voice. I turned to look at him and realized he was holding something back. “Tell me.”
He looked up in surprise. “Tell you what?”
“About this cabin. Why you’re here in Aster Valley this week.”
“Just for vacation, that’s all. I wanted some time away. To… do some thinking.”
Julian was definitely hedging. “Thinking about what? Work?”
“Mm. That, too,” he said, going back to dicing the chicken. “Nap. Read. That kind of thing.”
Now I knew he was lying. The man didn’t do idle. “Knit? Basket weave? Maybe roll out some homemade pasta dough?”
He sighed and put down the knife before resting his palms on the counter on either side of the cutting board. “Of course not. I… I brought my cross-country skis, as you know, and I… I may have gotten around to arranging a hookup or something.”
For some reason, that pissed me off. I knew that my visceral, negative reaction to hearing about him with other men was hypocritical and selfish. It made Julian tense, and that made me feel ashamed, but I couldn’t help it.
“Are you serious? You were gonna invite guys out here to hook up? While you were alone?”
Julian set his jaw. “I generally don’t invite an audience, Parker.”