And answered the question with goodbye.
She saw my son. She saw Aiko. She may have even felt the instant connection that sprang fully born inside of me as soon as I laid eyes on her after twenty years, and she knew it was dangerous. So did I, but some reckless part of me wanted to say fuck it. Message me. Talk to me. Sit on the phone with me for hours and I’ll listen to you breathe.
Just come back into my life, Tru. I want to keep feeling this.
But I didn’t say any of that, and she said goodbye and I went home with my family.
And that was right.
But the suit I wore to that funeral carried her scent for weeks. I furtively sniffed the lapels, hungry to inhale what was left of her in the fibers.
“There’s no one in particular,” I lie. “But again, I’m not standing in your way.”
“So you’re fine with me and Chaz.” She looks down at the silk belt she rubs between her fingers. “That’s his name, Chaz. You’re fine if we—”
“An open relationship isn’t the answer.” I lift her chin, coaxing her to meet my eyes. “I want to be with someone who only wants to be with me, and it would kill me if she was with someone else. You and I want different things.”
“Isn’t there a part of you that still wants me?” she asks, her voice husky, desperate.
I glance down at her slim loveliness. She’s beautiful and some men would kill for what I have, but I don’t feel that for Aiko anymore. I don’t know when it stopped exactly, but I do know for weeks when I would open that closet and catch the slightest lingering trace of Kimba’s scent, I’d go fully erect. I have a semi now just thinking about her. Guilt gnaws at my insides, and I step back from Aiko. I wish so many things were different, but if any one thing had changed, I might not have Noah, and he’s the best thing to ever happen to me.
“I want you to be happy, Ko.” I bend to kiss her forehead and squeeze her shoulder. “I’m not made for an open relationship, but I’m releasing you from this one.”
“Ezra.” She closes her eyes, and a tear slips over her cheek. “Oh, God. Is this really happening?”
So this is what the end feels like. Like rolling down a hill for years, wondering if you’ll ever land in a ravine, and then stopping suddenly. Crashing. Abrupt. Painful.
I thumb the wetness from her face. “There’s a lot to sort out. Noah is my first concern. We never married, but to him, this will feel like a divorce.”
“His birthday is coming up.” She bites her lip, blinking damp lashes. “I already feel awful that I’ll be away on this trip for it. Could we let him enjoy his party? I don’t want this cloud hanging over it. He’s so excited about his friends coming and—”
“I agree. We’ll let him have his party.” I kiss her forehead, pull her into a hug, swallowing against the painful burning of my throat. “We’ll tell him when you get back.”
Chapter Ten
Kimba
“Mama, I’ll be there.”
I adjust my earbud and jog in heels the last few steps to my doctor’s office building since some guy is holding the door open for me.
“Thanks,” I say, flashing him a quick smile. He’s staring at my ass. “Eyes up here, buddy.”
His cheeks redden.
Awww. A blushing lecher. How cute.
He tugs at his collar like it just got tight. “Uh, sorry. I—”
“Dude, I’m just teasing you. It’s fine.”
He laughs, relief evident on his face before he ducks into one of the open office doors.
“Teasing me about what?” my mother asks. “Will you be home in time for the ceremony or not, Kimba?”
“I said yes.” My home training nudges me. “Yes, ma’am.”
“Good. There will be so many community leaders there, and you know we’ve named this new award for—”