Even the feigned amusement fades from her expression, leaving only cynicism, hurt.
“Let me tell you what rejection is. It’s being told by an entire culture outright and in a million subtle ways that you’re not good enough, not beautiful enough. These athletes and musicians, actors—most of ’em raised by single Black women, and when they find success, do they choose someone from their own community? No, they want someone who’s nothing like the very women who sacrificed to make their success possible.”
As she articulates it, I see not just her pain, but the pain behind what Jade and Ms. James said. What Shondra didn’t voice to me, but felt, too. I see the truth of it and for a moment, nothing I would say feels good enough, feels right, but I have to say something.
“I hear you,” I finally tell her. “And I’m sorry, but that isn’t what this is. Not what we are. We aren’t a statistic or a trend. I’ve had these feelings for years, and Grip wasn’t successful or rich or famous when I met him. He was just . . . himself. And I loved that about him.”
“I do, too.” Qwest blinks at the tears accompanying her soft response.
“I’m so sorry it happened this way.” Tears come to my eyes, too. I look down at the carpet to hide them. “I know you care about him.”
“I do. That’s why it hurt to think that he . . . well, that he cheated.” Her bark of a laugh cuts into the air. “It still hurts that I lost out to a white chick. Maybe it shouldn’t make a difference, but if we’re being honest, it does.”
I can’t change or apologize for what I am anymore than she can change who she is.
“Qwest, I—”
“Your five minutes are up.” Her voice wavers just the slightest bit. She sneaks a finger under one eye to catch a tear.
“Okay. Thank you for listening.” I stand and grab my purse. “Grip is doing an online interview with Legit tonight to address all of the craziness that’s been going on. I wanted to give you a heads up. Once you knew how how things actually happened, I thought you might want to . . . well, put out your own statement so your stories line up.”
“You’ve got all the bases covered, don’t you?” Qwest’s eyes remain averted, her mouth pulled tight.
“That’s my job.”
She looks up and sees right through me.
“Only Grip’s a lot more than your job, isn’t he?”
She knows he is, or I wouldn’t have made this risky move. There’s nothing more to do here, so I head for the door.
“Bristol,” Qwest says, causing me to turn at the door. “You’re a very lucky woman. Any woman, Black, white whatever would be lucky to have a man like Grip.”
I don’t think anything I could say would be the right thing, could ease the pain I see behind her eyes, so I just nod and close the door behind me. But in my heart, despite all the crap we’ve waded through over the last few days, I agree.
I just might be the luckiest girl in the world.
Chapter 31
GRIP
BRISTOL’S IDEA FOR me to address the rumors and misunderstandings directly in an online sit-down with Meryl from Legit helped a lot. It was short and to the point, mostly me laying out that I didn’t cheat on Qwest and made sure to end one relationship before beginning another. Some will still call me a sellout, but I think most people get that it isn’t about the color of our skin.
I wish my mother were one of those people. We’ve gone from me dodging her calls, to her ignoring mine. After the Legit Exclusive aired, I reached out, but she hasn’t called me back. It’s always been us. We’ve never fallen out this way, and I can’t pretend it doesn’t hurt. I keep telling myself I’ll go to the house Sunday for dinner and we’ll chop it up. Work it out over her sweet potato pie, but there’s a part of me that knows it won’t be that easy.
All of that aside, right now I can’t pretend I’m not excited for my first night out with Bristol. Even if it is just a charity dinner, not a real date. I was scheduled to appear at this fundraiser weeks ago. After the Legit interview, Bristol wants me to be business as usual and show people I have nothing to hide. Of course I insisted that if we really have nothing to hide, she’ll attend this event with me. It’s been over a week since the footage leaked, and a few days since the interview. Surely people have moved on to something else. Something that has nothing to do with my girlfriend and me.
Who looks so damn gorgeous tonight.
I come out of the shower, towel tied at my waist, to stand behind her, settling my hands at her hips as she’s putting on makeup in my bathroom.
“I’ve changed my mind.” I kiss her neck. “This event’s a waste of time. We should stay home and make love.”
She smiles at me in the mirror, pausing in applying mascara.
“I could stay home and you could go.”
There’s hope on her face and in her voice.