The incid
ent with Officer Dunne haunts me. How Grip had to guide me. Calm me. Correct me. How I had no clue about any of it. She’s probably right. Qwest probably would have had Officer Dunne in his own cuffs when it was all said and done. In this moment, I feel completely inadequate.
“And last we heard, you were with Qwest,” Ms. James says, her voice unapologetic. “Next thing we know you bring her in here uninvited and unannounced like some trophy we should put on the mantel. What am I supposed to think?”
“A trophy, Ma? Come on. This is me,” Grip fires back. “You’re right. I should have handled it differently and eased into it, but this is happening, whether you found out today or later.”
“But you chose today to rub her in our faces,” Jade cuts in.
“I’m not rubbing anything in your face,” Grip says. “You’re a part of my life. Bristol’s in my life. I just want you guys to get to know each other.”
“We should at least give her a chance,” Shondra speaks up for the first time.
“Shondra, don’t act like you don’t feel the same way,” Jade says. “When that basketball player got married last week, first thing you asked was did he marry a Black woman.”
“Well, I like Bristol,” Shondra says, not addressing the reminder of what she said before. “She’s good people, and if you want to be with her, Grip, I got your back. It’s fine with me.”
“Well, it ain’t fine with me,” Jade says.
“Jade, come on now,” Amir interrupts. “You don’t even know Bristol.”
“So what are you, Amir?” Jade challenges. “Another nigga with his nose wide open for this white chick? You know they freaks, so she might take both of you at the same time.”
“Dammit, Jade!” Grip slams the table, rattling the plates and making the glassware sing a dissonant note. Anger edges his words. “You don’t talk about her like that. What the hell is wrong with you? With both of you? You can’t just be happy that I found someone I love? No matter if she’s black, brown, white, whatever?”
“Love?” Ms. Mittie scoffs. “Once the novelty wears off, we’ll see about love. For you and for her. Not to mention you’ll undermine your credibility with a lot of people who saw ‘Queen’ as their song, our song. You’ll lessen the impact you could have had in the community.”
“Just because I love someone of a different race doesn’t mean I’m not passionate about my own,” Grip disagrees sharply. “About the causes that affect my community or the things that need to be said on our behalf.”
“Well, you should ask yourself would she even give you a second look if you weren’t who you are now?” Jade spews. “Would she have given you a second look if you weren’t rich, famous? If you were just another nigga washing her car or changing her oil?”
Every insult, every assumption, every preconceived notion fell on me like a bag of stones. My arms are heavy with them. My neck, bowed. My back about to break. It took a lot for me to even admit I loved Grip, and I had to overcome so many fears to be with him. I’m trying to understand how his mother and Jade feel. I want to, but I can’t listen to another word. I walk into the room, and for the first time, feel like myself. Feel like the girl I know Grip needs at his side.
“Bristol, hey.” Grip tries to fix his face so I don’t realize what I’m walking into. Tries to make this less uncomfortable for me, but it’s too late. I’m well past discomfort.
“First of all,” I start softly, spreading my glance between every one at the table, but ending with Ms. James. “Let me just say dinner was delicious.”
Contrition darkens her eyes, but she doesn’t look away.
“I’m sorry you heard all of that, Bristol,” she says. “You’re a guest in my home, and that isn’t how I treat guests.”
If Qwest had come here today, she probably would have been welcomed not like a guest, but like family. I remember the ease between her and Grip’s mother at the release party. Like they had known each other for years even though they had just met. Jealousy stabs my heart. It’s familiar, this stupid longing for someone’s love, but I still hurt when it’s withheld.
“I came here not sure if I should say sweet potato or pumpkin, kale or collards.” I continue, shrugging and laughing a little. “Hell, I’m still not sure. I had no idea what to expect, but that was some of the best food I’ve ever had in my life.”
Grip looks at me like he wants to check me for a fever or slip me a Valium.
“Also,” I say, turning my glance to Jade. “You don’t have to wonder if I would have given Grip a second look if he wasn’t rich or famous because I fell in love with him when he was neither.”
I look at Grip and don’t give a damn that they can all probably tell how gone I am for him.
“He was sweeping floors and living in an apartment that quite possibly should have been condemned.”
The jagged line of Grip’s mouth softens just the tiniest bit, and he doesn’t look away from me and I don’t look away from him.
“It took me years to let Grip know how I felt, not because I didn’t think he was good enough for me, or because he was Black. I can honestly say I never cared. He spoke to me in poetry and listened to my opinions and argued with me when he didn’t think I was right and admitted when he was wrong.” I smile, remembering my first night here in LA when we talked half the night away. “I started falling for him the day we met.”
I look to his mother.