It only amplified the hollowness.
The vacancy that wept.
That turmoil I’d stumbled into the day Rynna had pushed me away had only grown with each moment that passed. Janel’s presence had gotten harder and harder to bear. Every single time I opened my goddamned door and she was there, it hit me anew.
It made my stomach clutch and my heart wrench, hating that I wasn’t coming home to Rynna. Hating that Frankie still didn’t know how to act around her mother, uneasy and unsure and a little bit scared. Hated that it made my skin crawl every goddamned time Janel took my baby girl in her arms.
I just fucking . . . hated.
Ollie appeared in front of me, popping the cap off a fresh beer. He slid it across the shiny bar. “Don’t know whether to keep feeding you these or cut you off.”
I lifted it to my lips and took a long pull before I tipped the neck his direction. “I’m pretty sure the answer to that is to keep them coming. You know what they say, it’s all about who you know.”
Chuckling beneath his breath, he planted his hands on the bar and stretched his tattooed arms out between us, dropping his voice when he leaned in close. “Yeah, well that might be the case, but that also means I know you. And I know you’re fucking miserable, man. This isn’t healthy.”
I took another sip. “Not much to be done about that now, is there?”
Ollie’s face screwed up in concern. “Not sure wasting away at my bar is the solution.”
“Just . . . can’t go back there, Ollie.”
He sighed and wiped a palm over his mouth before he turned his attention back on me. “So, you let your ex-wife back in your house, and now you can’t go back to it? You not seeing an issue with that?”
Oh, I was seeing plenty of issues.
Harsh laughter rolled from my tongue. “That’s the problem, Ollie. Janel’s not my ex. She’s still my fucking wife.”
A frown pinched between his brows. “Only thing claiming it is a piece of paper. And you know what that piece of paper says? It says the two of you would cherish each other, love each other, respect each other for all of your lives. It says the two of you would stay true through thick and thin. Through the good and the bad. I was there, remember? You really think Janel has been faithful to you since she left? You think her running off on you was fueled by her respect?” Quiet outrage shook Ollie’s head. “Pretty sure any contract you two had is expired.”
I jumped when a hand clamped down on my shoulder. My head jerked that way. Kale was there, grinning down, sliding into the stool next to me.
“Oh, do tell me I’m just in time for the conversation about the fucked-up situation our boy here has gotten himself into.”
Just fucking great.
All I needed was the two of them razzing me. Teasing and taunting me with what I already knew.
Ollie lifted his chin to Kale. “Yep. Right in time, brother. Pretty sure this asshole thinks he’s going to sit here all night and actually manage to drink his cares away.” Ollie turned back to me. “But believe me, when you wake up in the morning? They’re going to be right there waiting for you.”
“Comforting,” I grunted, taking a quick swig.
Ollie shrugged. “Just telling you like it is.”
“And what the hell do you expect me to do about it? Rynna already made her decision.” Didn’t mean to come off so pissy and irate, but I couldn’t stop it. Because I was.
I was angry.
Hurt.
This raging storm billowing inside of me where I was lost, going down in the middle of the sea, getting swallowed by the waves. No goddamned chance of being saved.
“Yeah?” Kale challenged, angling to the side in his stool so he was fully facing me. “And why’s that?”
“Because she knows it’s not worth getting involved in my mess.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
“I call bullshit.”
A huff of frustration bled out. “I went to her, Kale, I went to her and I begged her and she sent me away. I betrayed her, man, withholding that truth. She doesn’t trust me, which I can’t expect her to. I fucked it up, just like I always do.”
“Yeah, because she got railroaded by the truth that you’re still married. You think that whole thing wouldn’t have gone down differently if she would have been prepared? If you would have already been taking the steps to end that bullshit marriage that never should have existed in the first place?”
“Or maybe she should shut me down. I made a vow, and for once in my life, I need to stick to it.”
“Once in your life?” he bit out like he couldn’t believe his ears.
“Yeah. You think I didn’t make the same damned promises to Sydney—”