“You looked deep in thought,” I tell him quietly. “I thought you might be having second thoughts.”
“Maybe that’s what you were hoping,” he responds, reaching out to put his hands on my forearms.
“Sometimes I do,” I admit.
“And other times?”
“I think I’ll plead the fifth.”
He laughs out loud. The sound is sweet to my ears. God, I miss the days when we laughed and loved freely. I don’t know if it’s possible to recapture that, I truly don’t. Yet, the more time I’m around him, the more I want to forget the past and try. Maybe Petal is right and we’re both different people now.
Maybe it could work.
“Can I kiss you?” he asks. He’s always asking me that when we’re together. Sometimes it’s sweet, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss the old Blue. The man who takes charge, sets my body on fire, and makes me forget everything—everything but him.
“We’re in the middle of the street in downtown Mason.”
“Your point, baby?”
“Everyone will know, Blue.”
“Fuck, Doe. Don’t you know all of Mason already knows how much I want you?”
“Until recently, I’m pretty sure they thought you hated me.”
“Trust me, the only person that thought that was you, and I’m damned sorry about it.”
“It has been a huge change,” I answer with a sigh.
“I’m not really good at this part,” he mutters.
“What part?”
“My mother said I needed to show you I could be soft.”
“Your mother?” I squeak out.
“Yeah, apparently I don’t really know how to be gentle. Shit, I guess I’m more like a bull in a china shop.”
I smile, because I’ve used that analogy when it comes to Blue way too many times.
“I didn’t notice,” I answer with a smirk.
“Liar,” he grumbles good-naturedly, pushing a stray piece of hair from my face and securing it behind my ear. I should have worn it up today. I almost always do. I knew I was meeting Blue, though. He used to tell me he loved my hair down.
“We better get going, or we’re going to be late,” I remind him.
He holds out his hand. I look at him, then let my gaze drop to his hand. I take it and we walk inside together. Registering and sitting in the waiting room is a blur. My nerves are coming back with a vengeance, but Blue looks relaxed. I look around the room and maybe it’s stupid, but I’m praying that nobody I know is here. It might have been better if I’d gone to Dallas to find an OB.
“Are you okay?”
I look up to find Blue studying me. I wish I knew how to answer him, but I’m not sure I do—at least not without revealing more than I want to.
“I’m suddenly wishing I had found a doctor in Dallas,” I mumble with a half-laugh, my gaze darting to the other side of the room. Blue doesn’t even let me escape in that small way. He puts his hand along the side of my face and forces me to look at him.
“Are you ashamed to be having my baby, Doe?” His voice is gruff, more in line with the tones he used with me before he found out I was pregnant. His face is tight, too. I know the thought of me being embarrassed hurts him. Blue is quiet, but he has a male ego, and all women know those can be touchy. Blue is more man than most, so I imagine it’s worse with him.
I put my hand over the wrist of the one he’s holding me with. Instantly, the warmth of his skin seeps into me. I moisten my lips, trying to figure out how to make him understand. I’m pretty sure it’s impossible because I don’t even understand myself.
“It’s not that. It’s just…”
“What?”
“It’s more about me, than you, Blue. Here I am with one ruined marriage, a single parent already, living with my mom in a house we don’t own, but must keep up. I need to put money into it, but never have the extra. I’m trying to keep the shelter out of the red, so the county doesn’t shut it down. They refuse to add more to our budget for improvements. I look at my life and see one mess after another. How am I supposed to raise two kids when most days I feel like I’m drowning?”
“You’re not alone this time, Doe. You’re not alone,” he says, and my heart flutters in my chest, but I force myself to come back down to earth.
“Blue, we had sex. You don’t have to force any kind of relationship with me just because I’m having a baby. People co-parent all the time without having any sort of relationship outside of that.”
“If that’s what you think I’m doing here, then I haven’t made myself clear,” he says, with a heavy exhale of breath. Maybe he doesn’t mean to, but I can hear the irritation in his voice. I pull away. I hate being made to feel like I’m an annoyance. Realistically, I know Blue isn’t trying to do that, but after years of marriage to Clark, that’s the feeling that hits the hardest and I can’t escape it. Luckily, the nurse interrupts before I’m forced to respond, or Blue says anything else.