His throat bobbed as he swallowed. “That’s what I want, Frankie. A family. That’s what I’ve always wanted us to be.”
Love blistered across the surface of my skin. Etching and searing. Branding me with forever. “I want that more than I could ever tell you.”
My chest squeezed, and I had to turn my gaze from the penetrating ferocity of his.
I turned to lie on my back, staring at the ceiling, at the dance of shadows that cast their comfort on my room.
I lifted my hands. DO YOU REMEMBER EVERYTHING WE’D DREAMED OF? ALL OF OUR CHILDHOOD FANTASIES?
Three years ago, I’d accepted them as nothin’ but fairytales and fiction.
I shifted back to meet his eyes. “I never stopped wanting that,” I confessed.
I hesitated, searched through all the notions and wishes that had gotten banged up by our separation.
I took his hand, needing something to do with my trembling fingers. “I always imagined that we’d have a big family.”
Regret rippled through Evan’s features. “You know that’s not possible.”
My head shook. “No, Evan, it is. I’d always imagined our family would be made of patches and pieces. Children who needed to be loved because they’d been cast out by this world. Because the world looked at them like they were broken and deemed unworthy. Because they needed to be loved in a way that only we could love them.”
“Frankie.” His eyes squeezed closed for a beat, and then he was back to looking at me like I was his treasure.
I couldn’t stop the tear that seeped out of the corner of my eye and dripped into my pillow. “I’d always imagined that we’d take over your mama’s café, that in some way you would be involved in A Lick of Hope . . . that it would remain a part of who you are. That you’d run the charity and I be the one standing beside you to watch it flourish and grow.”
Wistfulness throbbed in the space between us.
Drawing us together.
Back to those days.
His voice was gruff and scratching, the words barely there. “Yeah. I remember dreaming those dreams with you.”
“What made you give them up?”
Lightly, he brushed his fingers across the trail of moisture on my cheek. “I didn’t want you to have to wait around for the pain to come.”
My head shook. “No, Evan. A single day spent with you is worth a thousand years of pain. I love you. And it’s not a small love. It’s not a love dependent on you bein’ healthy. It’s not a love contingent on life being easy. Because the only thing I want to do is do life with you. Whatever that looks like.”
He reached over and took my face in both of his hands. He squeezed tight. “How did I get so lucky that I found you?”
“I was meant for you, remember?” The words raked the air.
Dense and mesmerizing.
This man my surrender.
My love.
My light.
My everything.
“I remember . . . and I promise I won’t ever forget. I will fight for you . . . love you and protect you with everything I have. And I promise I will never make the decision for you again. You choose to love me? I will choose to love you back.”
Grief and affection and every emotion that I’d ever felt bottled in my chest. I needed to tell him. God, I needed to tell him. I tried to force it from my tongue, to give him this burden that I knew was going to destroy a piece of him.
But the front door was banging open and Milo was going crazy, his nails echoing over the wood floors from the other side of the door.
“Milo, sweet boy!” I could hear Carly coo way too loud for midnight. “You are the sweetest, sweetest boy in the whole wide world, aren’t you? Come and give Auntie Carly some love. Apparently doggie kisses are the only kind that I can get.”
Josiah’s voice boomed right behind hers. “Oh, come on, Carly, you want some kisses, I’d be glad to do you the favor. Have you looked at me? There is some major hotness you are missin’ out on.”
“Ew, gross, kissin’ you would be like kissin’ my brother.”
Josiah cracked up. “You’re right. On second thought, keep kissing that dog. Way better than your last boyfriend.”
“I will stab you.”
More laughter echoed through the house.
Apparently, Carly and Josiah had done it up right, their voices ringing through the house, slurred and ridiculous.
A giggle slipped free of my mouth, affection so fierce that there was no way I could stop it, and Evan quirked a questioning brow.
Sometimes it made me sad that he was missing out on something that so many took for granted. But I also knew he made up for it in so many extraordinary ways. It was everyone else who was truly missing out.